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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29206896">heartless</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickgrimshawty/pseuds/nickgrimshawty'>nickgrimshawty</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Lovecraft Country (TV), Lovecraft Country - Matt Ruff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>80s, Alternate Universe, Domestic, F/F, F/M, HIV/AIDS Crisis, Multi, Murder, Recreational Drug Use, Smut, Threesome - F/F/M, Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:46:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>31,886</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29206896</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickgrimshawty/pseuds/nickgrimshawty</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>80s AU. Ruby is a beautiful talented bartender, who meets two platinum blonde strangers.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ruby Baptiste/Christina Braithwhite, Ruby Baptiste/Christina Braithwhite/William, Ruby Baptiste/William</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>heartless</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ruby slides the final shot glass into line. There. Lined up perfectly into a square. She had color-coded them by their iridescent bottoms, easily visible in the bottom of the clear glass. She bops her head along to the synth playing around her. Are there any spots on the bar? She starts to walk back and forth, taking her mangy washcloth with her. There was a quality to the laminate on the bar right now. It was cloudy, like it needed extra scrubbing. She goes to work. Ruby hasn’t noticed her boss watching her on the other end of the bar. She doesn’t register him walking up either.</p><p>“Jesus, Bee, the night hasn’t even started and you’re already up there with it,” her boss says next to her. He leans on the counter to her side. Ruby thinks her boss, Sam, is an okay person, as decent as gay white boys go. She doesn’t see the need to turn and look at him right now, though.</p><p>She hears him lick his lips.</p><p>“Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain,” she singsongs, stopping from wiping the counter quickly to wag a finger in Sam’s direction. She sniffs hard. She felt like she had a runny nose.</p><p>“Hey,” Sam pushes away from the bar, holding his hands up in surrender. “No judgement. And absolutely no problem. I wish I could get like you, honestly…”</p><p>Sam trails off and Ruby isn’t looking at him but the desperation is in his voice.</p><p>“Gingko,” she recommends with a dry wink in his direction.</p><p>She declares she’s going to go prepare the blue room. Weaving through the different platforms in the club, she moves with ease. It is her jungle gym. Before she can reach the second room, miles away from the bar and filled with only cages and stages, she stops by the full-length mirror by the door.</p><p>She’s concentrating on fixing her lipstick when Sam appears behind her again. This time the little twerp manages to surprise her and she yelps.</p><p>“Okay,” he says hustling in closer to her like they were in the middle of a conversation.</p><p>“I get it. I mean, listen, long shift coming up. I could use some help,” he says.</p><p>Ruby blinks at him.</p><p>“I know you like to get open,” he licks his lips and looks her up and down.</p><p>“I have some new shit,” he summarizes.</p><p>Finally worn down, Ruby nods and jerks her head in the direction of the blue room.</p><p> </p><p>She lines them up on top on one of the speakers. It’s gross, there’s dust mixed in surely, but it works.</p><p>Sam looks left and right, ridiculous because they were very alone, before leaning forward and disappearing the chunky white line into his left nostril.</p><p>“Ah!” He steps back holding his nose. Ruby rolls her eyes and takes her own line. She hated her boss’s overzealous personality. She holds out her hand expectantly.</p><p>Her boss presses a little purple pill into her hand. She holds it up inspecting it. The fuck?</p><p>“Listen, doll, I gotta go finish up the till. Good shit, Bee, good shit,” Sam gives her a snap and runs off.</p><p>Ruby is still looking over the small purple pill. Finally, she realizes there were few things she ran from and swallowing was not one of them. Shrugging mentally, she takes the little pill down dry. <em>Do your worst</em>, she thinks, patting her belly.</p><p> </p><p>The music is loud enough to shake the paper cups for water at the end of the bar. Usually Ruby would worry if the sound was pouring onto the street, especially on nights like tonight. Ruby’s hand has been heavy tonight. She slides the vodka ice over to the woman. The wet trail it leaves is glowing blue.</p><p>“Hey!” The woman who got the drink is waving to pay her. Ruby reaches over mechanically. She wants to stop looking at the woman’s face. Her hair is a bright red and its flaming like fire right now. Her skin has a shiny flush to it making her look slimy. Slipping sliding, there was a drowned look to her. Ruby quickly takes the money.</p><p>“Keep the change, gorgeous,” the woman calls to her.</p><p>Ruby keeps moving without acknowledging her. She never planned to give her change.</p><p>There is still clamoring. The only downside to the little purple pill right now was that it seemed to be dulling Ruby’s hearing. Maybe the loud cheesy guitar solo was doing that. Still the mass was dulled tonight into one glob. The hands reaching out to her wiggled, as if there were no bones in them or the arms they were attached too. Giggling she backs up and takes in the scene in front of her. She starts laughing uncontrollably.</p><p>“What’s your name?” Someone is shouting at her from the side. She looks over. A brown-skinned woman with a short fade is smiling at her. Ruby does like her neon geometric jumpsuit but she hates being beckoned. The woman curls her two fingers forward like Ruby is going to bound over like a cocker spaniel. She stays right where she is but she surprises herself by wanting to touch the woman. She wanted to let her hands touch her.</p><p>“Bee!” she answers the question but facing forward, to the bar at large.</p><p>There’s a generic cheer when she answers and she whoops along with it before diving back in to work her line.</p><p>“Well, that settles it. We’ll have the cops on us soon if it doesn’t quiet down in here,” Sam comes up next to her, pulling a beer into a glass.</p><p>Ruby can barely hear him but she gets the gist because she has her own concerns. She nods.</p><p>“Not tryna go to jail for Dyke Night,” she agrees.</p><p>“I’m gonna drop the volume,” Sam looks around anxiously, “Fuck. We need to keep selling these drinks, though.”</p><p>“Play better music then,” Ruby laughs at Sam’s stricken face. “And turn the good lights on.”</p><p>Sam disappears.</p><p> </p><p>The music changes minutes later, Prince blasting through the speakers in the small bar. The volume slowly lowers as it changes, but it goes unnoticed. The women grab their drinks, abandon their drinks, or give up on getting one and head to the dancing space. It’s almost crazy how it clears out except it isn’t because it’s Prince. Ruby starts bopping herself, swiveling her hips in time to the song. She finishes a vodka cran. Well, there was barely any cranberry in that, she accepts as she slides it over to the woman. She thanks Ruby, her teeth tinging purple right before Ruby’s eyes as Sam turns on the multi-color bar lights.</p><p><em>Finally</em>, Ruby thinks. She looks up at the ceiling into the lights. The synth in the music twinkles, Prince’s voice ghosts along the little hairs atop her ears. And right there, there it is. The ceiling is raining purple above her. Ruby’s eyes open delighted. This was the type of shit she lived for: seeing beyond the veil. She’s about to lift her hand as if to touch the purple rain when there is the clearing of a throat loud enough to distract her.</p><p>She goes back to paying attention her job. She pauses in surprise. She knew the music playing now was popular, but how was it possible that her bar was completely empty? Save for one man. Sitting directly in front of Ruby.  </p><p>Ruby scoffs. Looks like the drinks weren’t going to sell one way or another. She is about to return to admiring the ceiling when the man says,</p><p>“Could you recommend a drink for me? Something unique to here.”</p><p>Ruby supposes she’ll go ahead and serve him. She grabs two tumblers from below the deck. Might as well treat this lull as a break. She starts making the drink without a reply, shaking her shoulders in time to the music.</p><p>After she finishes, she looks up at her customer. She’s taken aback at what he’s made of. His blue eyes are liquid to her, spilling into his cheeks. His plain face, there was almost an eerie symmetry to it. His hair was glowing, without the drug it would do that, she had never seen a shade of blonde so light except on TV. He was very white. She purses her lips.</p><p>“Forty.”</p><p>He makes a surprised face. Then he smiles indulgently before digging into his pocket. He hands her a hundred-dollar bill. She takes it and immediately slides it into her high-wasted jeans in the back pocket. The man’s eyes follow her hand and he has the audacity to lean forward slightly trying to see the final destination of the bill. When he finally goes back to looking in her eyes, she’s giving him a look.</p><p>“You picked an interesting night to check the place out,” she points out. She watches him try the drink and smirks when his face obviously doesn’t take to it. She eyes the shiny Rolex visible peeking from his button-down. The alcohol was definitely low brow for this guy.</p><p>It occurs to Ruby that this guy could be a cop. She needed to straighten up. Best thing to do with cops was to push them to reveal themselves.</p><p>“So, what you doing here, whitey?” She grabs the tequila and refills his glass.</p><p>This guy has issues. He clearly hated the alcohol but he finishes the new drink fairly quick in two short drinks. He raises an eyebrow at Ruby when he’s done.</p><p>She’s holding out her hand.</p><p>“It’s 1984. Aren’t we past all that?” He reaches into his wallet and pays his forty.</p><p>“Are you serious?” Ruby asks seriously. She refills his glass.</p><p>“No,” he laughs into his glass and sips. He puts his glass down. “I’m William.”</p><p>He holds out his hand but she doesn’t take it. She’s looking over his shoulder wondering where her other customers went. Damn, the filler song was on.</p><p>“Can I know your name...?” William’s voice has a little edge to it now.</p><p>“Bee.”</p><p>Ruby thought it was gross when men showed up on their specifically lesbian nights. It takes a special kind of asshole to assume he has an easy edge in a room full of lesbians. Still, this man was attractive. Even without the pill, Ruby can see that. He was clearly rich. Why was he insecure?</p><p>“Want to take a shot with me?” he asks, abruptly. Why was he asking her this?</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Anyway, there’s white people in here,” William points out.</p><p>Ruby scoffs giving him a look up and down. “Not like you.”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t know,” he says coyly and Ruby finds it odd. Not creepy, but intriguing.</p><p> </p><p>People rush to the bar as if a dam had been broken. The bar’s edge fills up quickly and William is almost swallowed in the rush. The arms are wiggling towards her again. This time Ruby steps back a bit, overwhelmed by it all. She has to take them one at a time. She steps forward to talk to the first screamer.</p><p>Sam walks up next to her and starts listening and filling drinks as well. Ruby turns to him, “This is…crazy. With that stuff…I mean I feel so incredible but...”</p><p>Ruby looks at Sam meaningfully. She receives a confused stare before realization crosses his face.</p><p>“Oh! The party pill. Yeah, I haven’t taken one myself. How is that?” Sam asks casually, taking money from a customer. Ruby stops and stares at him stunned. How dare he give her something he knew absolutely nothing about. Of course. Of course, the white boy is this cavalier with her life. She swings weakly at him, infuriated. At least she realizes it must be weak because Sam barely moves, swerving a little but catching her fist in his hand.</p><p>“Whoa! Okay okay okay, Bee,” he is laughing but Ruby doesn’t see the joke. “I can tell it’s all a lot right now.”</p><p>He looks at the bar.</p><p>“Listen, fuck it. Quick break.”</p><p>They both head to the back bathroom, Ruby pulled there subtly by Sam gripping her arm. He hustles them over to the corner of the bathroom and cracks a window. He offers her a joint and says reefer will slow it all down. Ruby puffs away. She grew less indignant with each pull, but things weren’t slowing. If anything, the element of spinning was being added to the pill’s affects. Now she was stuck in this motion, lifting her arm, sucking, lowering, blowing, and she can’t stop herself and she’s getting higher by the minute. Sam does stop her, taking her hand and pulling her into a nearby stall.</p><p>“Fuck them all, just fuck them all!” he says in response to the loud jeering starting outside the bathroom. He pulls out a powder wrapped in some plastic bag. It looks ghetto to Ruby.</p><p>“Here, let me get you,” he dips his pinkie in and gets some on his nail. Ruby glares at the pinky. The pinky is disgusting. The pinky is connected to an annoying man. The annoying man wiggles the pinky under her nose impatiently and she snorts the cocaine. She immediately gets a headache. Ghetto. She pushes weakly at Sam, because she has had enough.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright,” Sam is becoming more aware of the reality of Ruby’s condition. “I can finish tonight.”</p><p>“No!” Ruby cries. </p><p>“Yes. Now you don’t have to go but I suggest you do.”</p><p>A loud cry comes from outside the doors and the sound of glass breaking. Sam runs out of the bathroom. Ruby is left standing there, leaning against the stall wall. Tonight, was Dyke Night. She was a girl. It wasn’t fair. This was her night, her big tip night. She bangs her head against the stall in frustration. Ow.</p><p>Ruby stumbles out of the bathroom but she straightens up before she leaves the hallway and can be seen by everyone. She was always good at that. The bar is abuzz and she wants to get somewhere before people realize she isn’t behind the bar. They would just start bothering her. Her vision was clear, but her hearing was not. There was a whooshing, subtle but enduring. It was almost irritating, an uncontrollable backbeat in her mind. She might be gnashing her teeth, she realizes.</p><p><em>Get somewhere</em>, she commands herself.</p><p>She makes it to the blue room, notoriously tame on nights like this. There were no performers scheduled, so those gathered in here mostly wanted to stand without dancing or close contact. She needs to sit, she keeps thinking. Chair, sit, stool. She gets on a stool.</p><p>“Hello, Bee,” William’s voice comes next to her and he spins around to reveal his face like a TV villain. Ruby laughs. She notices when she makes sound, she can’t hear the whooshing.</p><p>“Are you cop?” Her mouth feels like it isn’t moving.</p><p>William laughs. “No.”</p><p>Ruby becomes aware that someone else is actually standing next to William. A woman. <em>Whoa.</em> Seeing double. Blue eyes, check. White-blonde hair, check. Pale skin, check.</p><p>“Are you a cop?”</p><p>The woman laughs. It’s deeper, throatier than even her male counterpart. Ruby isn’t surprised. It was Dyke Night. She looks her up and down. Crisp Versace skirt, silk button up. WASP-y, WASP-y, WASP-y. She’s drinking a cheap beer which Ruby appreciates. Her fingers wrapped around the beer are dressed in jeweled rings, which she respects.</p><p>“We aren’t cops. Is it because we’re white?” The very white woman jokes. Ruby is finding she likes looking at her. William was nice too. She shakes her head. She didn’t believe in all that discrimination shit. Even against ... them.  </p><p>They take a shot to solidify it, the woman sharing that her name is Christina. Ruby is surprised she is even alive right now, so she sees no harm in playing. When the busser comes by with a shot platter a second time she grabs one again.</p><p>“So, you’re here to pick up your sister?” Ruby yells at William. The music has been steadily getting quieter, but Ruby seriously could barely hear. She was dealing with the feeling of being underwater.</p><p>“I’m not his sister.” Christina answers, next to Ruby. Her voice is closer, she’s leaning against the wall next to Ruby’s stool. The back of her hand is behind Ruby’s shoulder and Ruby’s been subtly leaning back into the touch.</p><p>“I don’t need to be picked up,” she says, moving the hair off of Ruby’s shoulder gently and replacing it with her hand, squeezing.</p><p>She shouldn’t be touching my hair, Ruby thinks distantly. She likes that Christina is touching her, though. She psshs.</p><p>“Are you telling me you guys aren’t siblings?” She looks in between Christina standing to her right and William sitting on a stool on her left.</p><p>“Are you trying to trick me?”</p><p>Another laugh from Christina but William is looking into her eyes. “No, Bee. I wouldn’t. I promise. We aren’t related.” Ruby psshs again. There was almost nothing they could say. The spinning in her head was slowing a bit.</p><p>“Well, if you aren’t related, what are you two doing here together?”</p><p>Christina’s hand feels heavier on her shoulder. Ruby’s wheel turns.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>She looks over at William and the confirmation is in his eyes; he’s looking straight at her chest.</p><p>“Huh.”</p><p>“Bee –” Christina starts, but Ruby hops off her stool shaking her head.</p><p>“No, let me save you some time. Hell no.”</p><p>Ruby leaves stalking toward the bathroom. She’s halfway down the hall when the whooshing in her ears are interrupted by footsteps. She looks behind her and Christina is following her. She stops and scoffs. Christina scoffs right back.</p><p>“I need to use the restroom too,” she says defensively. She pushes past her and goes inside the bathroom first. Ruby sighs standing outside the door. The commotion is growing in the bar instead of settling. Should she even go in here? The sexy she-devil was in there.</p><p>When she walks in, there is no sight of Christina. Two girls are at one end of the sinks, whispering to each other. One seems to be crying. When she walks in they look over their shoulders, startled, and quickly clear out. No Christina. She slides into a stall. Locks the door behind her. When she’s seated on the toilet seat she hears a door swing open. Click, click, click. It was her. It was Christina, she knew it.</p><p> </p><p>She peeks under the door gap. <em>Damn</em>. Those were some nice shoes. She saw those in a display window. She watches the shiny pumps meet in the middle, stand primly and at attention. Ruby was turned on by their powerful aura. The water faucet gushes and Ruby flushes. The water turns off and Ruby zips. It’s loud in the small empty bathroom. She stands in the stall. She puts both of her hands on the door.</p><p> </p><p> When she can’t wait any longer, she pushes open the door. It slams against the adjacent stall door. Christina is there, like Ruby hoped she’d be. She knew she would be. Christina is leaning on her hands on the counter, waiting. They make eye contact in the mirror. Ruby likes the pure want in Christina’s face reflecting at her.</p><p>She kisses her like a hug, crushing onto her lips sloppily and pushing her back against the sink. Someone comes in but no one cares.</p><p>“Mmm...” Ruby hums with happiness as Christina kisses her back, her tongue was warm, wet. Christina loops her fingers in Ruby’s belt loops and tugs, pulling her flush against her. They go back to kissing messily, Christina’s hand making its way further down and squeezing.</p><p>“Stall…” Christina says, breaking away from Ruby’s mouth.</p><p>Ruby makes a decision. She realizes where she’s landed.</p><p>“Okay. I’ll leave with you,” she murmurs, leaning forward and bumping Christina’s nose with hers. Even in her haze she knew she wasn’t going to fuck some random at her job. Maybe two Christina’s could spin around in that stall but her? Not interested in that tight fit.</p><p>Christina looks taken aback, like she forgot her own offer. Then, she looks dejected like she regretted her own offer. She says something but she’ll have to talk louder because Ruby can’t hear shit. After looking her over and smelling her delicious expensive scent, Ruby was curious about where she lived, anyway.</p><p>“Yours?” she says breathlessly. “Or William’s?” she says, because she wants there to be no mistake that she is accepting the offer.</p><p>Christina’s face is unreadable. She stares at Ruby intensely, her eyes shining and waving azure pools in her direction. She flares her nostrils.</p><p> </p><p>Ruby realizes she’s agreed to an evening with some real yuppies. She walks around the expansive apartment, hoping her mouth isn’t hanging open or twisted in disdain. It was a beautiful apartment. High up above the city, the view made one feel insignificant and powerful all at once. However, in many ways it was just ugly. There was frosted glass in parts that seemed odd, all the furniture was rectangular and uncomfortable. A single mirror triangle took up most of one of the walls. The color scheme was odd. Maybe it was her little purple friend but she felt like she was in the Wizard of Oz. She made it to the Magic City. Everything chrome.</p><p>She had no complaints about the prolific bar. Christina makes her a drink that taste like crisp lemon lime pop and strong tequila. It was delicious and Ruby demanded more. Ruby quickly became the kind of drunk where she had two options: stare at her reflection in the mirrored chrome coffee table or stare at one of the blonde pair she had been seduced by this evening. She finds herself looking at William over her glass. William is kind of a pig, though, he’s rubbing himself outside his pants while returning her stare. She finds she likes it.</p><p>“Bee, do you want the tour?” Christina’s voice sounds distant. It’s muffled like Ruby is hearing it from another room over. Ruby nods and follows Christina. Ruby is unsteady on her feet. Christina holds her elbow and guides her.</p><p>“There is the kitchen,” she says, leading her past it fairly quickly.</p><p>“There is a bathroom,” Christina jerks her head to the right. Ruby turns her head to look but turns it too fast and feels like she’s going to fall.</p><p>She sways into Christina and Christina uses her lean to kiss her. Ruby keeps leaning, thinking fuck it, Christina seems like she can hold her and she wants to just be held and kissed.</p><p>It doesn’t last long enough like it never seems to with Christina. She’s guiding her a little way further down the hallway.</p><p>“Oh, this is a bedroom,” Ruby jokes and laughs at her own. She breaks away from Christina’s hold and walks in the room turning around and sitting primly on the edge of the bed. Christina is watching her hungrily and she starts to undo her own shirt buttons.</p><p>Ruby follows her, unzipping her jeans and wiggling out of them. She’s wearing a bodysuit so she has to stand to slide that layer off. Christina’s hands are wrapping around hers and helping her pull down the bodysuit the rest of the way. Ruby watches her top fall to the ground. There were Christina’s feet, on the floor. They were bony. Christina had on a perfectly matching bra and underwear set, emerald green. She looked so gorgeous and put together. Ruby wanted to see what was underneath.</p><p>Christina’s hands were all over her, her mouth too.</p><p>“Oh, Bee,” she sighs. She’s kissing Ruby’s neck, her hands running up her sides, pushing into her flesh. She unhooks the front of Ruby’s bra and its sacrificed to the floor as well. Ruby does her part, wrapping her fingers under the legs off Christina’s panties and tugging them to the ground. Looking back up into Christina’s eyes is overwhelming, she sways and sits back down onto the bed. Christina has the slyest little smile on her face.</p><p>“Lean back.”</p><p>Ruby scoots back quickly, laying down in the middle. Christina follows her, crawling forward onto the bed. It’s an ungraceful way to move, scooting back topless. If not for the lustful stare from Christina, Ruby would be feeling incredibly awkward. Instead she feels hot all over, Christina is in focus, everything around her is blurring and slanting. She distantly hears her own breathing. Or was that Christina.</p><p>Ruby rolls side to side, lifting her hips so Christina can take her panties off. Fuck. The air was cool. Christina is looking down at her, leaning over her. She was so hot. Every line of her face was soft and hard. Her lips were slightly parted and her eyes wild. Ruby reaches down a hand to try to touch herself, or Christina, she isn’t sure, but Christina stops her hand and pins it to the side of the bed.</p><p><em>Oh okay</em>. Christina starts working down Ruby’s body. Ruby moans as Christina licks over her nipples. Her blurry vision is creating light striations outside that look like the whole city is in a tunnel. Ruby is entranced by the view outside, the layers and layers of lights. She’s distantly aware of Christina touching her and it feels pleasant. <em>Was that a meteor?</em> A bright blue light darts in front of the window, a shiny red one chasing it. Ruby is so happy and excited right now. <em>Oh, that feels good.</em> She arches her back as Christina licks into her.</p><p>She glances down, admiring the blonde head between her legs. Corn, that pale corn, when it isn’t fully ripe. Her hair was like that corn.</p><p>
  <em>Oh, that feels really good. </em>
</p><p>Ruby shuts her eyes and rides, her head is spinning from all the alcohol, her hips keep jerking up under Christina’s machinations and pleasure is crashing over her again and again in waves. She can still see lights behind her lenses. When she cums again, she cries out, overrun with sensation. She starts stroking gently at the top of the blonde head, a drunk, satisfied thank you. Christina hasn’t stopped, but Ruby is feeling sensitive.</p><p>“Come here.”</p><p>Christina obeys, moving back up Ruby’s body to kiss her. Her face gets more wet than usual, they were mostly smashing their faces together and spitting. Ruby reaches down between them to try to touch Christina. She strokes between her legs and Christina moans. They face smush while Ruby rolls the pad of her thumb over Christina’s clit. She likes the sound of Christina losing control. </p><p>Ruby forgot William existed but he’s here now. Standing beside the bed he’s completely naked now, too. He’s almost standing over their heads, gripping himself and stroking. His fingers are slick already with his excitement. Ruby looks up admiringly, her mouthwatering. She wanted to taste him.</p><p>“Ride him,” Christina is saying suddenly, pressing the words right into Ruby’s ear with a kiss.</p><p>“Get on top, Bee,” she instructs.</p><p>Ruby doesn’t really like to ride, and in this state, she isn’t sure how much she’ll be able to do, but Christina’s husky voice makes the command irresistible. William seems in agreement. He helps Ruby up to sitting, pulling her up under her shoulders. Leaning down, he kisses her.</p><p>Ruby realizes she has only been kissing Christina all night. William’s mouth was so different, his lips fuller, his tongue less insistent. It was soft, it was gentle, despite the hard rock of his body beneath her fingers.</p><p>She moans. It’s nice, she doesn’t want him to stop touching her. They play musical chairs. Christina scoots off the bed to the left. William is sitting and laying back while Ruby stands up to the side of the bed. She straddles him, leaning forward first for another one of his sweet kisses.</p><p>He’s rock hard and strong too. William’s hands come up to hold her waist and she doesn’t have to focus on holding herself. She can concentrate on feeling him, holding him steady and sitting back, completely until he’s fully buried inside her.</p><p>“Fuck,” William hisses as he slides in.</p><p>“Bee,” he moans as Ruby starts to move. Ruby rolls her hips and listens to him respond. She throws her head back in ecstasy as she concentrates on her rhythm.</p><p>“Bee.” Christina’s voice brings her back.</p><p>Ruby drops her head forward and is surprised to see that Christina is straddling William’s face. Her hips are rolling and moving too. Ruby is entranced watching Christina chase her pleasure. She wants to be where William is. Christina puts both her hands-on Williams forearms where he is now holding her thighs up. She rocks and throws her head back. Ruby leans forward, putting her hands-on Williams stomach and catches Christina’s nipple in her mouth. Christina gaps in pleasure and she wraps her hand around the back of Ruby’s head.</p><p>“Bee, kiss me,” she guides Ruby’s head to hers.</p><p>Ruby is filled with sensation. Her body was full, as she rocked back faster and faster, the slapping noise of their bodies colliding was reaching even her dulled ears. She pants into Christina’s mouth, who is becoming increasingly unintelligible.</p><p>“Mm, Christina!” Ruby moans and kisses her deeper.</p><p>“Bee, oh my god, oh,” Christina is kissing all over her face, her hand was big enough to hold Ruby’s entire head in place.</p><p>“Christina! I’m. cum,” Ruby whimpers.</p><p>“Cum, baby,” she groans as she comes herself. Ruby comes for the third time that night groaning with the force of it. She’s dizzy and sweaty, her eyes are closed again while she tries to recover. Her hips start to slow but Williams hands come back to her waist as Christina moves off of him. Ruby leans forward, exhausted, trembling, and close to cumming again already. She rests on her forearms over William’s head and stares into his beautiful eyes while he fucks her from below. The angle is perfect, every stroke he brushes along her clit too.</p><p>William is grunting with the effort. Ruby gasps loudly. She’s cumming again. William’s hips are stuttering. Ruby sits back and off of him. She’s aware there is no condom in sight. She wraps her hand around William just as he comes with a groan and she strokes him through it.</p><p> </p><p>Ruby vaguely remembers her shower with Christina, and getting into bed. She feels like she had just died when she opens her eyes hours later. She’s in a bed, a room she never got shown on the tour. Before she becomes aware of where she truly is, she’s aware of Christina, next to her under the covers. She is still naked, one pert breast peeking out above the covers. She’s awake. Ruby can’t speak at first, but she can’t look away either. This woman was magnetic.</p><p>“Bee,” Christina whispers.</p><p>“Ru-bee.” Ruby isn’t sure why she tells her but she does.</p><p>Christina pauses. Smiles. “Ruby.”</p><p>Ruby likes her smile, she’s starting to remember her sweet shy laugh from the bar. Mostly she remembers her hands, and that mouth. No William in sight, Ruby notices they’re alone in this bed.</p><p>Touch me, she tells her. I will, Christina says, like she’d already decided.</p><p> </p><p>When real morning comes, the lights have all left from behind Ruby’s eyes. A sunbeam pierces straight into her retina when she cracks a lid. Someone took a sharp knife and stirred inside her brain like some cereal. How did she do this? When she finally gets the energy to open her eyes again, she might as well have left them close. She’s alone in a room she doesn’t recognize. She remembers enough to know she went home with…oh god, she hopes they were telling the truth about not being siblings. The view of Chicago out the window is still interesting but no longer breathtaking. Ruby hustles to the toilet to throw up. Immediately after her stomach is drained her bladder demands the same and she scrambles onto the toilet for a several-minute pee. After taking out her body’s trash, she feels a little bit better.</p><p>Ruby looks around the room. None of her clothes are in here. She was going to have to walk around naked? Creeping out of the bedroom, she looks this way and that in the hallway. There is the sound of the TV playing downstairs. Ruby wonders why she’s creeping around like she isn’t a distinguished guest. She stops tip toeing and picks up the pace, before she realizes she doesn’t know where she’s going.</p><p>Fuck it. Whichever one of them it was, they’d seen it all last night and she needed to get her shit and get out. Ruby follows the sound of the television and walks into a laminate all-white kitchen.</p><p>“Where – “she starts indignantly but her sentence is interrupted by screaming and her own screams join as she realizes the person was not Christina or Will. A woman no younger than fifty is standing there with coffee beans in her hands.</p><p>“I’m sorry!” Ruby wraps her arm around her chest to hold her boobs in place as she turns and books it down the hall. She runs past an open door and pauses. There is a loud deep snore coming from the room. She doesn’t want to scare a stranger again so she peeks in slowly to the room. A white man with a shock of blonde hair is knocked out inside, splayed out on the king-sized bed. Ruby spots her acid wash jeans on the floor.</p><p>Ruby comes into the kitchen for a second time, fully clothed, intending to apologize to the old woman. Instead she is surprised by Christina standing at the island sipping coffee. She has a smug look on her face. Ruby’s head hurts and she’s irritated her hookups left her to wander around their big apartment.</p><p>“You scared Magda,” Christina tsks. “Not very nice, Ruby.”</p><p>Ruby’s eyes widen a little. That’s right. Her drunk ass had told Christina her full name last night. Ruby crosses her arms in defense against her growing embarrassment and vulnerability.</p><p>“I was lost.”</p><p>Christina hums but doesn’t reply. She goes back to read something in front of her on the counter. Her hair is back in a slick ponytail and she has a creamy blue blazer with shoulder pads on. Makeup perfect. She’s quite a sight in the daytime, a trust fund princess if she ever saw one. Ruby was feeling a little ashamed she hooked up with these two brats.</p><p>“Have some coffee. She made it thinking of you,” Christina says, without looking up from her reading.</p><p>“No, I have to get going.”</p><p>“Alright. Bye, Ruby.” Christina looks up for a second and gives her a little smile before looking back down at what she was reading. Ruby watches her for a second.</p><p>Rolling her eyes, she goes back to the hallway and the bedroom William is in. She stares at him from the door. The snoring is still loud, and she knows he’s knocked out. She sighs. So, this was the goodbye these two had to offer her. It was sort of rude and very dismissive. She feels rented. Fine. She goes back to the kitchen and Christina looks up in surprise when she is back as if she doesn’t pay attention to where people go inside her home.</p><p>“I need bus fare.”</p><p>She takes pleasure in tripping up the ice queen Christina becomes in the daylight. Christina seems surprised she is demanding something. Ruby finds this ridiculous considering her earlier behavior. Christina nods and disappears, returning moments later with a handful of bills. Ruby takes it and heads to the door, before she realizes it’s two hundred dollars. She goes right back to the kitchen.</p><p>“And just how cheap do you think a bus ride has gotten these days?” she snaps at Christina. Christina is surprised again and it is becoming comical. Ruby was doing all this for her own amusement, her breakfast today was puke and petty. Christina nods at her again and leaves.</p><p>She’s gone for longer this time and Ruby admires the kitchen. It’s nice, modern. She bets their spoiled asses don’t even cook. When Christina returns this time, she has a roll of bills in her hands and she asks Ruby if that will be enough for the bus. Ruby takes it without another word and leaves, slamming the door behind her.</p><p>Her head spins. She should’ve drank some water before she stormed out for her pride. She was dehydrated, hungry, and dizzy. Her head was pounding. Her legs were weak. Ruby starts to make her way down the long hallway. She holds onto the wall for support. She needed to move quick before her car got towed.  </p><p> </p><p>Ruby wasn’t a big party girl. Last night had been a shocking outlier. She liked to have fun with the rest of them, but last night she was blacked out like she was nineteen again. Now, her voice was shot. She tries another scale.</p><p>“Damn, were you cheerleading for a team last night?” her little sister Letitia says.</p><p>Ruby winces. Letitia had a perfect ear, often perfect pitch and she was the worst vocal coach in the world. She was the cheapest, too.</p><p>Ruby tries again. Nothing but a croak.</p><p>“Were you sucking dick last night?”</p><p>“Surprisingly, no.”</p><p>She thinks about how she didn’t suck William off last night and is grateful. Letitia is unchararistically calm about Ruby’s weak showing. Besides remarking she hopes she was safe considering the recent killings in the paper, she remains tolerant. She looks at her for another moment, as if waiting to see if Ruby is going to try again. When she doesn’t, she sighs and sits down next to her on the bench.</p><p>“That job is draining you, Ruby. What about your real goal?”</p><p>She has a point. Ruby had just intended to get a little pick me up for one of her biggest tip nights of the year. Bartending in an underground gay bar isn’t her dream career. Still, there had been an odd magic about last night.</p><p>“Well, forget all that. The most important night of your life is coming.”</p><p>“And I have a surprise for you,” Leti moves around her and goes to a stack of papers on the piano. She snatches one up with excitement and gives it to Ruby eagerly. Ruby gasps and then aws, opening her arms. Her sister runs into them and they look at the flyer together. Hot pink and all-important, it was an announcement of the showcase her sister, vocal coach and manager was putting on for her best artists. In big letters over the top was Ruby’s name. A picture of her is the main picture. She giggles in delight.</p><p>“Favoritism be damned,” Leti says, and squeezes her sister tighter.</p><p>Ruby leans back, grateful and touched. She thanks her sister profusely.</p><p>“Well, all this means you have to bring it at showcase. We have the execs for Republic coming. I honestly believe you will be the one noticed that night, sister or not.”</p><p>Ruby looks down; this was intense pressure.</p><p>“Just be your usual talented self. And protect your fucking voice.” </p><p> </p><p>Ruby wasn’t surprised Sam was a complete idiot. <em>How dare he</em>, she thinks. She purposefully lets her eyes glaze over while she’s looking at him. He rambles on, his face growing more indignant with each unheard word. The gist was that for some reason she was on warning for her reaction to a pill <em>he</em> had given her. Her face was burning with anger, her wall was completely up, she hoped her expression was impassive. Well, she was trying her best. She remembers her boss before, black Sammy. They had a chemistry like no other. Their friendship continued outside of work. Still, Sammy got into it with one of the white ass owners and it didn’t matter that he had put in five years. They didn’t care about his street label as the best part about the Chat. He was gone a day later. Replaced by his white namesake. It was a dark cold world but she had been living in it. Unfortunately, she had to keep her mouth shut.</p><p>When Sam finally clears his little ass out, Ruby starts her daily routines early to distract herself from the burning in her chest. In the day, the Chat is more “coffee bar” than club. The cages go away and are replaced by tables. As a result, it was usually fairly drowsy during the day time, a few regulars and a few stragglers. The bar door slams too loudly and Ruby looks up sharply. She had pent up aggression and wanted to yell at a patron. When she sees who it is, all she thinks is, <em>well well well.</em> The two mysterious not-twins walk in through the door, their designer outfits sticking out even more than their bright hair. She has to admit, she had been surprised and then a little hurt (her ego) when she didn’t hear from them for several days. One thing about Ruby: people always wanted to see her again. She had chalked it up to them being the whitest people in the world who ultimately could not handle her and were scared. She had a hard time convincing herself that considering the way Christina had commanded her that night.</p><p>Now here they were. She knew she had it like that, she knew it. She purses her lips as they walk up to the bar to hide her smug expression.</p><p>“Don’t you ever slam my door like that,” she says, although she doesn’t yell it. Unwillingly, she’s speaking in her husky, flirtatious voice.</p><p>They take seats on the stools in front of her and stare at her like Siamese cats.</p><p>“Bee,” and Ruby appreciates that Christina doesn’t say her full name now. It gives her hope she didn’t mention it to William.</p><p>“We’re lucky to have come when you’re here,” William says.</p><p>
  <em>Don’t complete each other’s sentences like that. </em>
</p><p>Ruby sighs. Her night with these two had been insane. Part of her wanted it again and another part of her knew she was at a crucial time in her life. She didn’t have time for games or to compromise her voice.</p><p>“You’re lucky we have some great in-house specials today,” Ruby drawls, motioning behind her to the chalk drawn menu.</p><p>“Or could I start you with a drink?” Ruby says, pointedly treating them extra professional to make a point.</p><p>William shrugs. “I’m alright. I’ve already had lunch and plenty cocktails.”</p><p>He leans forward over the bar a little closer to Ruby, “I would love to taste you, though.”</p><p>Ruby blinks at him. She hates how his brazenness could be sexy and disgusting.</p><p>“Well, with the way your tab is currently, you couldn’t use our bathroom, let alone taste me,” Ruby answers.</p><p>Christina says, “I’ll take the pub fries and we’ll both have vodka sodas,” because she’s a good girl.</p><p>Ruby writes it down dutifully and disappears to the back to get the fries. The pub fries are flash-made, she loads them into an industrial size microwave, pushes a button, and voila, the pub fries. Back moments later, Ruby slides the fries in front of Christina. She makes their drinks.</p><p>“Twenty,” she says when she’s done.</p><p>“It says five dollars.”</p><p>Ruby glares at her. “The drinks. Duh.”</p><p>Christina nods, pulling the twenty out. She’s holding back a smile.</p><p>She picks up one of the fries covered in cheese and licks it daintily while Ruby watches. Again, she feels a little embarrassment at knowing this prissy twosome. Christina doesn’t manage to lick the fry clean or eat it. She returns it to the basket. Ruby is still standing in front of her watching and she lifts an eyebrow when Christina’s face changes, looking into her intently.</p><p>“I don’t really want them,” she says. She’s looking at Ruby with the same thirst as William because she decided to drop the pretense herself.</p><p>“No. That’s not what you white folks come to a bar like this for,” Ruby says because Christina does bring the petty out in her.</p><p>Christina is unfazed.</p><p>“This side of town is expensive,” she remarks, tilting her head toward the fry basket.</p><p>Ruby snorts, and she almost laughs. Christina sees it. </p><p>“So,” she licks her lips and enjoys how Ruby’s eyes seem to get stuck on them. “What do you guys have going on here tonight?”</p><p>Ruby knows Christina is hoping it’s Lesbian BDSM Night or something but –</p><p>“Vegetarian witch book club,” she says.</p><p>Christina chuckles, and it’s contagious. Ruby feels herself cheesing. She also sees Sam watching her out of the corner of her eye. She can talk to anyone as much and as long as she wants, but Sam is looking like he remembers she left with these two her last shift. Straightening up her back, she’s mentally reminding herself she needs to be practicing for the showcase.</p><p>“So, if either of you are interested in that, then the hours are posted over there,” Ruby says, and turns from double trouble. She goes to the back without another word or looking back. Sadly, she was just going to lean in a corner, whisper talking with a friend while she waited for Christina and William to finish those drinks.</p><p>She can’t wait long so she trudges back to the front reluctantly. Thankfully, William and Christina have cleared out. One of her regulars is sitting thee giving her a gummy smile. She feels lighter.</p><p>“Bee, can I talk to you for a minute?” Sam is jerking his head to the side to indicate to Ruby. Her mood is already sinking.</p><p> </p><p>It was just complete bullshit. Ruby pulls her jacket on roughly. Sam calls a haughty goodbye to her as she leaves and she barely resists flipping him the bird and gifting him a <em>fuck you.</em> Cutting her hours because she isn’t “reliable right now”? So, she can “take time for herself”? Oh please. It was racism, pure and simple. She hated him, truly. She hated the job, too. She starts to get her car keys out, she keeps missing them because she’s shuffling through her purse with frustration. Car lights from across the parking lot flash for a moment.</p><p>
  <em>Who is parked out here late as hell in that random nice ass Lexus? </em>
</p><p>Right as the thought finishes in Ruby’s mind, another one highlights the obvious. Her realization is confirmed seconds later when Christina gets out of the car and walks over to her. By the time she gets to her, Ruby has already made a decision. Her day had been rough. These two were a perfect escape. She was only human. Christina stops in front of her and stands there expectantly like she heard her thoughts.</p><p>“I don’t know why, though,” Ruby says like Christina heard her thoughts.</p><p>Christina shrugs. “Come because you want to.”</p><p> </p><p>Ruby had been to a couple smoking dens but nothing like this. Not only was it hidden, it was massive. Usually those two things did not go together, but apparently when you have the money it does. Ruby was surprised when William was nowhere to be found when she got to Christina’s car. She was surprised but not necessarily disappointed. Christina was enchanting enough on her own, leading Ruby past hidden bookcases and stairs to the luscious den bathed in red light they were in now. A woman in a beaded bikini appears and she seats them in a section of the giant room, a circular plush mattress in the center. Their area is sectioned by giant jeweled and beaded curtains that were beautiful rich reds and golds. They couldn’t see the other sections but she could hear different songs strumming and being performed in other areas. The bikini girl brings a large smoking set up and places it in the center of their section. Ruby isn’t sure what it is.</p><p>“Opium variant. So be careful,” Christina smirks.</p><p>Ruby forgets her warning fairly quickly. The smoke tastes like delicious candy and the more she smokes Christina’s lips look more and more like a cherry lollipop. She’s leaning back on one of the many pillows around the circular relaxation space. Her head is resting on Christina’s arm behind it. Christina was practically on top of her with her legs tangled with hers. Ruby was alternating leaving her eyes closed for several minutes and not blinking for several more. She’s admiring the way the red light was making Christina’s eyes glow. It looked like there was a black ring around them. She was closing her eyes, and then opening them, seeing Christina leaning over her with those eyes each interval. Christina was admiring Ruby’s long eyelashes, and the way she looked like a confused deer when she was resisting the effects of opium like this. Her own vision was spinning. It takes a lot more of any substance to affect her body, but she had done more opium than she usually does tonight. She feels so relaxed and languid with Ruby.</p><p>Christina wraps her arm around Ruby’s waist, lifting her a little. She wanted her closer. Ruby’s chest was crazy enticing right now. Her mesh shirt was showing hints of her smooth dark skin underneath. The obvious black bra showing through holding up those…massive breasts was doing things to Christina. The pulsating red light was highlighting the perfect planes of Bee’s face.</p><p>Christina throws her leg further around Ruby, scooting closer. The sound of the sitar gets closer. When the musician pulls the curtain back and steps in, Ruby makes to detach from Christina. She holds her in place by locking her leg hooked around her. She wasn’t going anywhere. The performer doesn’t blink an eye at their position and launches into his song. Ruby’s eyes open wider and she smiles a little. A belly dancer comes in. They both watch as she twists her hips and wiggles her backside. Christina finds herself looking down at Ruby on her arm. She was so gorgeous. There must have been a lull in the dancing because Bee is looking up at her now.</p><p>“Wasn’t that wonderful?” She isn’t slurring but she’s on the precipice of it. For now, her voice is just dripping slow and sweet like molasses.</p><p>Christina knows she’s probably looking at her like she is going to swallow her whole. That was one of her social struggles.</p><p>“Yes,” she says absently. She starts stroking along Ruby’s stomach.</p><p>Ruby pushes Christina’s hands off her stomach. Christina frowns, it’s more of a pout. She tries to comfort herself with a kiss. Ruby is still nervous about how they will be received, so she quickly turns her head to the side. Christina isn’t deterred and starts giving Bee’s neck some loving attention. She can feel Ruby still stiff beneath her and knows she can’t relax with people here. She waves the performers away and goes back to Ruby. She was right. Once they’re alone again, Bee lets Christina have her however she wants. They go from kissing to groping to Christina sucking Ruby’s nipples through the mesh top. The little smoke set-up in their section has been kicked over by their squirming and the flavor crystal was burning on the ground. It was a simple ember, burning a hole rather than spreading. Their area was full of fragrant and flavored smoke. Every breath was sweet apple and drugs. Christina was lost in Ruby. After touching anywhere she can, she gets frustrated enough to roll onto Ruby for better access to her breasts.</p><p>“Christina!” Ruby has the sense to recognize making out versus straddling each other is a very different energy. Christina ignores her shock and goes back to licking along her nipple outside her shirt. When Ruby pushes on her forehead to get her off, she lifts her head.</p><p>“It’s okay, they’re okay with it,” she tells her, giving her a quick kiss.</p><p>“Okay with what?” Ruby says it absently, focusing more on Christina’s lips on her neck.</p><p>Christina sits back. Watching Ruby while she does it, she lifts her shirt over her head. She isn’t wearing a bra and her small breasts sit perfectly, her nipples already pointed in anticipation.</p><p>“Well, they don’t mind this,” she gives Ruby a little mischievous smile at her surprised face.</p><p>Ruby bites her lip, looking over Christina glowing in the colored lighting. She snakes her hand under her skirt. She feels Christina’s underwear, she can tell its lacy. She pushes Christina’s whole skirt up to reveal a lacey red thong. The smoke is clouding their views of each other a little, but she can clearly make out Christina’s puffy lips poking out from the center of the thin thong.</p><p>She did look funny with her skirt pushed up, though.</p><p>“Did you plan this?” she laughs a little and snaps the waist on Christina’s underwear.</p><p>Christina didn’t like the silly direction Ruby’s face was going in. With a frustrated huff, she leans on one hand and wiggles her skirt off, kicking it with her foot to the side of the cushion. Ruby was overwhelmed at Christina suddenly being damn near nude at this public lounge. Sure, her bra had long since been pulled down under her shirt to reveal the entirety of her chest, and sure she was fairly sticky between the legs right now from all of Christina’s attention. Still, she didn’t think they were going here. She goes there, letting Christina get her skirt off too, and she even sits up and unhooks her bra and discards it to the edge of the cushion.</p><p>All the various rocking and twisting to get undressed without standing found them rolling around together on the cushion. They wrestle their way to an edge of the bed.</p><p>They’ve landed with Christina on top of Ruby, their pelvis’ flush against each other. It doesn’t take much conversation for them to start rocking, grinding against each other. God, it felt so good. Christina has wiggled Ruby’s panties down and is stroking her with their movement.</p><p>“Fuck…” Christina whimpers.</p><p>Ruby pushes down on her butt harder, pushing her hips up to meet her.</p><p>Ruby is lost in kissing Christina and feeling Christina that she barely jumps when she realizes there is someone in there with them. She turns her head when she hears a third moan and there is William, standing off to the side with himself in his hand. He was stroking pretty furiously. Ruby’s hips slow as she watches him. As usual he’s behaving like a disgusting peeping tom. Ruby always appreciates a little desperation in her sex life. Christina slips a finger inside her and she moans, looking back at her and starting to move again.</p><p> </p><p>Her momentary pause is over, Ruby and Christina go back to moving with fervor. Ruby breaks away from their kissing to watch William stroke himself in the corner. Damn, he had a gorgeous dick. Ruby could still make out its thickness and even a juicy vein through the smoke. She starts rocking faster looking at him.</p><p>“Bee,” Christina says, and uses her hand to nudge Ruby’s chin.</p><p>Ruby goes back to kissing her. When she pulls away, Christina keeps her lips close.</p><p>“No one else can hear us, talk to me baby,” she whispers in Ruby’s ear. She shudders because she’s so close.</p><p>“Uh...” Ruby forces herself to make some kind of noise in response to Christina’s voice and intense gaze. She isn’t feeling particularly noisy. She finds herself looking at William. He’s about to cum, she can tell.</p><p>“Bee,” Christina’s voice. “Don’t hold it in,”</p><p>She grinds down harder on Ruby and Ruby moans, throwing her head back. Christina says her name one more time before Ruby says, “Oh, Christina,” because she can tell she wants that.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Mi mi mi mi mi miiiii</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Me Me Me Me Me Me Meee</em>
</p><p>“You sound great,” Leti encourages. Ruby smiles and keeps warming her voice up. Her stomach was bubbling.</p><p><em>You don’t have to shit,</em> she reminds herself. <em>You’re just nervous.</em></p><p>This was an incredible venue her sister had booked. All of her artists have been working hard for this night. It was rare to get the chance for so many of your artists to be seen by such a big label like Republic. Beyond that, the performance had been well promoted. She had a chance to establish a bigger fan base.</p><p>“So, when are they getting here?”</p><p>Leti looks at her watch anxiously.</p><p>“They were supposed to be here already, but they aren’t,” Leti answers, and she starts to look around. Before she can turn frantic, Ruby reaches out and grabs her hands. She pulls her sister in close.</p><p>“Don’t stress. We got this,” she wraps her arms around her shoulders, “Thank you for everything.”</p><p>They share a hug and Letitia seems calmed. She smiles a little.</p><p>“Well, I’m sure this helps with the nerves,” she quips, bumping the diamond tennis bracelet on Ruby’s wrist. Ruby rolls her eyes. What did that have to do with nerves?</p><p>“After this you have to tell me about the new white man spoiling you,” Leti points an accusing finger at Ruby.</p><p>Ruby says okay, but begs off the rest of the frivolous conversation so she can continue to warm up. Three hours later, Ruby has herself tucked away in her ritual self-isolation before a performance. She chants encouragement to herself and breathes deep, pausing in mini meditation. The noise of the crowd, the bright lights, and crackle of the microphone, she was born for all of it. The set director taps her shoulder and Ruby hears her musical cue.</p><p> </p><p>A bright orange Ferrari pulls up to the curb of the Prisis Hall.</p><p>“Is this where it is?” Christina asks William in the passenger seat. The front steps are full of discarded plastic cups and neon wrist tags. There were deflated balloons along the stair railings.</p><p>“Supposed to be,” William says. He doesn’t look around to check the venue, he reaches into the back and grabs his flask.</p><p>“Well. Looks done.” Christina pulls out a cigarette and lights it.</p><p>She turns to William. Her face is a disinterested mask. Occasionally she lets it slip and pure disdain for the man next to her slips through, but for the most part she is always in control. She’s surprised there actually was a label engagement and William wasn’t just trying to spring a date on her.</p><p>“Your friend is getting his lesson on your untrustworthiness,” she says.</p><p>William shrugs. “Atticus will understand.”</p><p>“And if he doesn’t,” William shrugs again and takes a big swig of his flask. “I’m over being down anyway.”</p><p>Christina releases, the smoke left in her lungs coming out slowly in spirals around the tip of her nose.</p><p>‘Being down’, she quotes him and he chuckles like it’s funny. He was such an asshole. She notices there’s a consistent paper on the ground. Christina cracks the car door and scoops up the hot pink flyer on the street right in front of her.</p><p>“Looks low budge,” William comments, looking at the flyer for a second. Christina purses her lips but has to agree, even after giving herself extra time to look it over. Ruby.</p><p>“Like Bee,” she says without realizing.</p><p>“Wish she was around,” William comments. He takes the cigarette out of Christina’s hand and takes a puff.</p><p>“Bee is her nickname. Like a stripper,” Christina points out.</p><p>“Let’s go get some strippers,” William suggests. Christina shakes her head before he’s even done with the sentence.</p><p>“Come on,” William wheedles, “What are you going to do? Sasha’s out of town. Gonna go home and snuggle up alone?”</p><p>Christina has one hand on the wheel, and she grips it tighter. She won’t let her face show anything but she doesn’t have to. Of course, she won’t go home and sleep alone. She can’t. William knows this; he made her this way.</p><p>“Wonder if she’s ever actually stripped,” Christina says looking off in the distance.</p><p>“Maybe she sings.”</p><p>William indicates in the direction of the flyer in the middle console and Christina shoots him a look. She is thinking about if Ruby is working tonight.</p><p>“Don’t have much faith in this one, do you? I like her. She’s easily spoiled,” William smirks. Christina wants to roll her eyes remembering the tacky diamond bracelet William had gifted Ruby the last weekend they were together. Christina looks forward at the empty parking lot. She was delaying the inevitable. She needed to do something with herself. Now that she’s thinking about Bee and everything she does, she can’t calm down. She does want to go check that bar, just to see. William passes the cigarette back to Christina and she takes it, immediately chucking it out the door and slamming it closed. She pulls a fresh cigarette out.</p><p> </p><p>“I like her mouth,” is her only answer as she takes off too fast away from the performance hall.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Everyone was trying their best to drown their sorrow in the cheap beer cans. Unfortunately, Letitia Lewis had been sober for four years and could not do the same. Ruby was in the position of pretender. She wanted to cry for her missed opportunity like the other performers at the bar, but she also has to protect and support her sister. She wraps her arm around Leti in the booth, shielding her from one of her sister’s clients that kept glaring at her between sips.</p><p>“Everyone hates me,” Leti whimpers into her sister’s shoulder.</p><p>Ruby’s heart broke. Her sister had worked so hard for this, spent so much of her own money. Those asshole executives could take a hike.</p><p>“Hey. If they do, they’re idiots. This wasn’t your fault,” Ruby squeezes her little sister’s shoulders in comfort. Leti sniffs and lifts her head. Her eyes turn from plaintive to fiery.</p><p>“And fuck Tic. I don’t know why I trusted him,” Leti wails and collapses onto Ruby again. Ruby rubs her back. She is mourning her own opportunity and now that Tic is being discussed she’s naturally tuning out.</p><p>“I bet he just snatched this card off their desk,” Leti sniffs again, crumpling a small business card in her hand. Ruby takes it from her. It’s a thick cardstock, smooth eggshell white. On the card, it reads Christina Braithwhite William Buffet Republic Records. Ruby looks at it again. <em>William…and Christina?</em> There was no way. She reads it again. Christina. And William. She thinks for another moment. The chances of this being another Christina and William were small but still there. The chances of her sleeping with another William and Christina that are also rich narrows the chances.</p><p>“Didn’t Tic say they seemed like Nazis, though?” Another artist leans over and whispers to Leti conspiratorially.</p><p>“Shh!” Leti looks over her shoulder. They had enough setbacks right now. “He was making fun of their looks.”</p><p>It was her Christina and William.</p><p>As small as all the chances were, it was crazy this was even happening. The room is moving around Ruby. She’s only had a couple drinks but she feels like she might face-plant right at the table. She excuses herself as she slides out the booth, claiming she’s going to get fresh air. The cool air outside the bar does feel good on her face. She takes a moment to be grateful for her sister’s enduring spirit, and her ability to be cheered by a few good friends.</p><p>“Careful out here, girl, there’s been all that trouble in the news,” a gruff voice says to the left of her. A passerby is throwing advice over their shoulder as they load into their car.</p><p>Could it be possible she’s sleeping with two major music label executives?</p><p>She finds a joint she rolled a while ago in her pocket.</p><p>Ruby takes that as a sign she may very well be just that lucky. She lights it. A bright orange Ferrari pulls into the parking lot of the bar across the street. Like anyone with eyes, Ruby takes notice of the ostentatious car. Her eyebrows raise as a head of bright blonde hair exits from the vehicle, followed by another. Ruby deliberates for a moment, looking over her shoulder at the bar that had her sister and friends. She turns back to watch the pair walk inside. Christina stops at the door and Ruby watches, shocked as she turns around in the direction of Ruby, like she heard something.</p><p>Ruby takes it as a sign.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The yellow phone rings insistently from its place on the hallway table. Ruby bounds to it, snatching it up just in time before the final ring. Hello?</p><p>“We thought your ass was dead. You know this isn’t the time to be missing in action. Do you watch the news?”</p><p>Leti’s voice is tinny through the phone, and Ruby is grateful that this medium takes nearly all the bite out of her sister’s bark.</p><p>“I know. I’m sorry. Been too busy,” Ruby trails off, not wanting to elaborate on where she has been the past three days.</p><p>“I guess.” Thankfully, Leti didn’t call for Ruby. “You won’t believe what Tic said, girl…”</p><p>Ruby puts the phone down gingerly and creeps quietly back to her bedroom. She finishes her gloss, and adjusts her outfit, double checking she looks good. She does, of course. When she returns back to the phone minutes later, she picks it back up slowly. She listens to Leti for another five minutes straight. Ruby waits until the absolute last moment to interrupt her sister, because they were truly close.</p><p>“Leti, I have to go. He sounds like a damn fool,” she says although she hadn’t been listening. Leti tries to resist the ending of the conversation but Ruby manages to talk her off the phone without her starting any new topics. When she finally slams the phone down, her mental is fucked up. She wasn’t in the right headspace for what she needed to do anymore. She couldn’t not do it, though.  </p><p> </p><p>Christina is making her way to William’s office when she runs into the subject of her thoughts.</p><p>“Christina!”</p><p>Ruby is surprised to see her like the building didn’t have her name on it.</p><p>“Ruby?”</p><p>William comes up behind her. He wraps both hands around the outside of her arms. Christina glares at him touching Bee.</p><p>“Oh, you said you weren’t going to be here today,” William lies flippantly.</p><p>Christina isn’t looking at him. She’s taking in Ruby, her hair, her tight dress. Oh. Christina stiffly says farewell to Ruby, allowing the kiss goodbye because she likes her mouth. Once inside William’s office, Christina doesn’t want to say a word. Her jaw is set tightly enough she knows it is obvious. She immediately starts flipping through artist profiles. She doesn’t look up at William but his smugness was all in her face.</p><p>“I told you she was a singer,” William says after watching her flip pages angrily for a minute.</p><p>“You didn’t tell me anything.”</p><p>William walks over and sits next to her on the leather settee. Christina shoots him a look and scoots over to her edge.</p><p>“Well, she is. She looks up to us quite a bit,” William says, reaching over and touching Christina’s knee. She bounces her leg immediately shifting his hand off of her. William sighs and stands up. He walks over to the window.</p><p>“She wants a showing. Her and a couple of artists,” he looks over his shoulder for a reaction from Christina but she’s still pretending to write something.</p><p>“I said yes. I also promised to help Atticus patch things up with her sister, which she appreciated. I’m her hero,” William grins.</p><p>Christina scoffs, still looking down at her lap. She resists. Resist.</p><p>“You don’t have anything close to the amount of say I have over this label,” she snaps. Dammit. She’d shown her hand and they both knew it. William chuckles meanly. He walks back over by Christina and stands behind her head this time.</p><p>“Oh, my little darling Tin,” he hums and his hand comes to rest on her shoulder.</p><p>“Don’t.” Christina tries to shake him off. She feels him rest his cheek on her head, like he’s done so many times before. She’s stiff but she’s hurting. She is hurt by seeing Ruby here, looking as good as she looked. Why did she get dressed like that for <em>him?</em></p><p>“You get so attached, don’t you honey? I’m the only one who knows the true…ins and outs of you,” William kisses the top of her head and Christina jolts, standing up so fast her head almost knocked William’s chin.</p><p>“You’ll never be in me again.” William’s smug smirk drops at Christina’s words. She turns to leave.</p><p>“Christina.”</p><p>Christina stops at William’s voice but she won’t turn around.</p><p>“Don’t lose control again. Think about what happened to Emma.”  </p><p>Christina keeps walking.</p><p> </p><p>Ruby was thinking of quitting her job. She rubs at a glass absentmindedly. It sounded insane she knew, but the past month had been nothing but unusual. She was feeling stifled at this sticky bar. She was surrounded by stupidity. <em>Exhibit A,</em> she thinks. Sam was making his way over to her from across the bar with a cloying little smile on.</p><p>“Hey, girl,” Sam says. <em>Not your girl</em>, Ruby thinks but says nothing. She is one with her glass. She focuses even harder on polishing. After being ignored, Sam leaves. The bar phone rings.</p><p>“I have a horrible feeling about this, Ruby. This isn’t right. I’m telling you.” Her sister’s voice comes through the phone. Ruby sighs and shifts the phone to the other ear, trying to hide the receiver with her shoulder.  </p><p>“Girl, are you really calling me at work with this shit?” she whispers into the phone. She looks around. No Sam so far.</p><p>“I can’t just sit here and treat my artists like this. Choose only three to showcase. Do you know how this makes me look?”</p><p>Ruby rolls her eyes. Trust her sister to be ungrateful when she was trying to salvage how she looked.</p><p>“I thought you said favoritism be damned? Listen, what is the issue. You said there were only three of us you thought had a serious chance of being signed anyway.”</p><p>“But if my artists know I arranged this after I screwed them all over…”</p><p>“I can’t account for your insecurities. These are our options,” Ruby says. She looks around the bar again. Sam is off in the corner. As long as she has eyes on him, she is safe.</p><p>“This is just our foot in the door, who knows if we’ll even get signed,” Ruby is tired of trying to reason with Leti but she’ll try again.</p><p>“Besides, maybe I can wiggle more help out of the two of them later on,” she jokes.</p><p>“That sounds like prostitution, Ruby.”</p><p>Ruby frowns, hurt. She shouldn’t be surprised but she still felt attacked.</p><p>“Was it prostitution when you fucked Tic for a business card?”</p><p>Without waiting for an answer, she slams the phone down.</p><p> </p><p>She shakes her head as she walks back to her glasses at the bar, like she can shake her sister’s words. Unfortunately, they were lodged. <em>Prostitute. How?</em> She starts wiping furiously at the counter. Well, she demanded that money after they first fucked her. She shakes her head again. They did give her that diamond bracelet. She slaps her hand down on the counter to interrupt her thoughts. She is starting to feel ashamed and she hates that. She’s thinking about the days that have passed without hearing from either one of them and she hates that too. With a frustrated groan, she slams another glass onto the counter.</p><p>“That one looks clean, Bee.”</p><p>Ruby looks up. Christina (Braithwhite she now knows) is standing there, perfect in a pink mini dress. Ruby beams, being more vulnerable than she has been in a while. Her personal Barbie is here. This confirmed she was more than an expensive fuck. She walks around the bar. She looks kind of plain and sweaty but Christina’s seen her sweatier.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Christina is pleased by Ruby’s reception. She’d spent an hour getting ready, followed by having her hair done to come pick up Ruby. She was nervous. Ruby bouncing up to her with a big smile was her best-case scenario.</p><p>“Busy?”</p><p>“Nope!” Ruby answers quickly. She starts back over to the bar. “Want a drink?” she offers as she slides back behind.</p><p>Christina is shaking her head. “I want to know if you can leave work.”</p><p>Ruby looks over her shoulder. Sam is back there glaring at her with his hand on his hip.</p><p>Ruby holds up a finger.</p><p>“I need to leave an hour early,” she tells Sam brushing past him to go get her purse.</p><p>“Why?” Sam hisses following behind her.</p><p>“I don’t feel well.”</p><p>Ruby bumps Christina’s shoulder with hers as they walk out. They share a little smile.</p><p>“Nice,” Ruby whistles at the baby blue convertible Christina is driving. Ruby is being sweet to her and Christina is feeling giddier when they slide into the car.</p><p>“So, lunch?” Ruby says and Christina’s hand stays on the gear.</p><p>“Well, we can eat later,” she winks at Ruby. Ruby says she’s hungry.</p><p>“We can order food to the house,” Christina can’t help but to snap at Ruby a little bit. She’s hungry for something else.</p><p>“So, we’re just going to yours to fuck?”</p><p>Christina pauses from reversing. She looks at Bee and she can see her expression is changing but she can’t understand it.</p><p>“I mean…” Christina realizes something. “Are you really that hungry?”</p><p>Christina wishes she could predict how her words are going to be received better. She knows she has made a mistake the minute the words leave her mouth. Bee’s face shuts down.</p><p>“Let me out.”</p><p>Christina’s mouth falls open. “Bee, stop.”</p><p>Ruby starts trying the car door handle. Christina stops driving. Ruby hops out the car and slams it hard enough to shake. Christina stands up in the convertible, watching Ruby stomp away.</p><p>“Ruby!”</p><p>Ruby doesn’t turn around. Christina stands there for a moment, her car running, her mind spinning out.</p><p> </p><p>Ruby feels like she stomped all the way home. Her legs are sore from driving with her lead foot and then jogging up the stairs like she lost her mind. When she gets to her floor, she’s breathing heavy and seeing light spots in her vision. She nearly passes out when she sees William (Buffet she now knows) standing outside her door. Mouth set and mind made, Ruby tells William right where he can go. Slamming the door in his face felt good, her ankle did not. Ruby limps to her kitchen, grabbing a frozen corn pack. Ruby collapses onto her worn couch. She presses the corn to her ankle and her arm to her eyes, holding back tears. Last week she had felt so empowered, getting the showcase back for her sister and the label. Today, she feels weak and so small. She sniffles in her silent living room. Her phone starts ringing. She doesn’t even consider going to get it. She hears the beep. Someone was leaving a message.</p><p>Ruby groans loudly when she hears William’s voice come through the machine. She gets up to delete the message without listening. By the time she reaches her phone, William is finishing his message with “Just check outside your door, you should find everything in the envelope.” She had just listened to it. By accident, but Ruby is still irritated with herself. She’s disappointed in herself when she goes to her door, opening it to see what William was talking about. She was lucky William wasn’t still waiting out there. <em>Or that serial killer from the news</em>, Ruby thinks wryly. It wasn’t an envelope, it was a box. This deviation alone is enough to make Ruby be cautious with the package. What if it was a bomb?</p><p>It wasn’t a bomb, it was keys. There were towels, a skimpy bathing suit and there was the envelope. Inside were travel directions.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Christina squeezes her eyes closed tighter, trying to lose herself in how good Sasha was making her feel. She moans woodenly. Sasha knows her well and stops touching her.</p><p>“Something wrong, love?” she asks Christina. She kisses her gently. Christina grunts but she doesn’t catch her face in time. Sasha sees something in her expression that makes her pity Christina.</p><p>“Oh, love,” she says, gathering Christina in her arms. She knows Christina won’t tell her now. It seems to be too fresh. She strokes her head. Christina doesn’t want to act fragile but she was feeling shattered after Ruby’s rejection this afternoon. She knew she usually got what she wanted and she’d wanted Ruby. That was only part of it though.</p><p><em>Maybe I should never see her again</em>, Christina thinks. She sees Emma’s face in her mind. She couldn’t handle this. She should have long since learned her lesson about involving William. There were so many reasons why Christina should never do anything with him. Now, it was happening again. She was losing control, just like he said. She wanted Bee, to herself. It was too late to stop wanting her now, although she wanted to try, for both their sakes. She takes Sasha’s hand out of her hair. She starts kissing each digit, watching her while she does.</p><p> </p><p>Ruby knew that Sammy understood her need to say Fuck That Job and take a free vacation. She wasn’t sure he would understand her relationship with the two uber white people that sent her on this vacation.</p><p>“How’s my replacement?” Sammy says, asking after Ruby’s new manager. Ruby can tell Sammy is trying to make light of the question. She knew he was still hurt by his callous dismissal from the Chat.</p><p>“He doesn’t deserve the name,” she answers as she pulls out of her apartment complex.</p><p>Ruby cranks the radio up and its already playing an anthem.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Got me workin workin workin day and night!”</em> they sing down the road.</p><p> </p><p>The directions were easy to understand, and it was a smooth four-hour drive to the Lakeshore Drive house. It was massive of course, though more tasteful than she expected. Everything was white and silver. Ruby was starting to wonder if their white asses were doing this purposefully. The staircase is blocky and segmented, splitting the giant house in two. Sammy plops his duffel down and goes to see if he can find the bathroom.</p><p>“That view!” he throws an excited squeal over his shoulder at her.</p><p>Ruby hears the rushing sound of the ocean outside. The balcony wraps around the side of the house. Drawn to the serenity, Ruby walks out onto the deck and breathes deeply. The air was salty and clear. She’s appreciating the wiggly borders the water was making along the rocks when she hears,</p><p>“Excuse me?”</p><p>She turns around and a tall, leggy woman with olive skin is behind her. Before Ruby could process how beautiful this person was, a familiar voice says,</p><p>“Bee?”</p><p>Christina comes up behind her. Ruby feels uncomfortable, her eyes darting back to the woman, as she starts to understand the dynamics happening.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Christina asks. At the same time, Sammy joins them out on the terrace behind them. Christina looks over her shoulder and sees him, turning back to Ruby with a hard expression.</p><p>Ruby, for her part, was confused. She assumed every offer from one of them was an offer from both unless they made it obvious. She thought she was coming to spend the week with the two of them, or William at least. William was nowhere to be found, and Christina certainly isn’t wanting for company. Sammy is walking closer; Ruby’s face is heating up because this is a little humiliating.</p><p>“What do you mean?” She crosses her arms defensively.</p><p>“What I said,” Christina says, her voice steel.</p><p>“I was invited, actually. Hence the keys. Where is William?” She looks over Christina’s shoulder, legitimately hoping he would swoop in and save her from this confrontation.</p><p>Christina sucks in a breath. “Can we?” she indicates with her head.</p><p>They leave Sammy and Christina’s lady friend standing by themselves, and move further down the balcony a few feet away.</p><p>“Look,” Christina is glaring daggers at Ruby. Ruby is taken aback. She knows they had an unpleasant interaction last, but why had Christina decided to hate her over that?</p><p>“I don’t know what he told you, but he won’t be here this weekend. He’s been called away,” Christina’s lip curls.</p><p>“And you can’t stay here.”</p><p>Ruby feels slapped. She wants to ask Christina why she has no interest in spending time with her. Though the answer is obvious and the answer looks like she’s Greek or something.</p><p>Christina grabs the railing for support. She’s using every muscle down to her toes to maintain her expression.</p><p>“Bee, just go.”</p><p>“No.” Christina raises an eyebrow.</p><p>“I was invited. I took off work. I’m sorry my presence is upsetting to you, we will try to stay out of your way. Shouldn’t be hard,” she waves her hand indicating the massive vacation home.</p><p>“I’m William’s guest.” Ruby turns her back on Christina and returns to Sammy.</p><p> </p><p>Sammy has an air of apprehension about him as they unpack in their rooms and Ruby can’t blame him. She couldn’t look at him, she unfolded her clothes monotonously, to avoid crying. She felt like a fool again. She wanted to leave. She was staying on principle, her almost nonexistent pride’s last hurrah. She had no comfort to offer Sammy. Their future in the house was undetermined. Christina watched Ruby leave, aghast. When she gets to the kitchen, Ruby isn’t in there either. She was going to have to run around this whole house to look for her and that man. She finds herself filling a tumbler of whiskey. She feels the air move behind her.</p><p>“Honey, if she won’t leave maybe we should just call the cops or something,” Sasha suggests, rubbing Christina’s arm comfortingly.</p><p>“What the fuck are you talking about?” Christina finishes her drink and squeezes her eyes shut.</p><p>“Christina!”</p><p>“I know. I know. That wasn’t right, I was too wound up,” she grabs another tumbler for Sasha.</p><p>She does go searching for Ruby. It was easy to find her, her and her friend had taken the two biggest rooms they could find. Christina gets lucky; Ruby is standing alone, unfolding her clothes with no man in sight. Christina watches her before she’s noticed. She wishes she could touch her, run her hand along her back. She knocks twice. Ruby stiffens but doesn’t turn around.</p><p>“Can I come in?”</p><p>“That depends. Are you going to talk to me like I’m gum beneath your shoe again?” Ruby looks over her shoulder and her expression makes Christina feel like dirt.</p><p>“I didn’t talk to you like that,” she snaps, stepping inside. Ruby had misunderstood her. She goes to stand by Ruby, hustling in too close. She drank that whiskey too fast. Ruby goes to hang up some clothes to put distance between her and Christina.</p><p>“Does he know you’ve brought another man on your little getaway?” Ruby’s glad she moved over to the closet. Christina was clearly still harboring animosity and was about to rant at her.</p><p>“I certainly don’t like it,” Christina says, looking Ruby up and down.</p><p>Ruby rolls her eyes. “You are an idiot.”</p><p>Sammy enters with perfect timing, holding up two neon pink shirts and asking Ruby “Girl, which one?”</p><p>Christina blinks and then swallows audibly.</p><p>“If you two would like to join us for dinner tonight, you would be more than welcome.”</p><p> </p><p>Ruby and her friend, Sammy apparently, don’t join them for dinner. They order pizza, which Ruby runs down the stairs to get when the bell rings. She’s changed into a mid-length cotton dress, white and form fitting. Christina can make out every line of everything from her seat in the dining room. She bites down harder on her fish, making herself look away before Sasha has to say something. Ruby bounces back up the stairs with her food and soon there’s the sound of cacophonous laughing coming from upstairs.</p><p>Sasha smiles. “Should we go invite ourselves? Take a bottle peace offering?”</p><p>“No,” Christina says stubbornly.</p><p>Sasha tsks at Christina’s sour mood but she doesn’t care either way.</p><p>Sammy and Ruby decide to go out on the town and visit the beachside bars. William wasn’t here, their accomadations were less than accomadating, and the night air was crisp and clear. Ruby’s ego had taken a major hit recently, and it made her feel good to put on makeup and get dressed up. Christina hears Ruby and her friend clear out, giggling and whispering, her heels clacking loudly. Why couldn’t Ruby just have dinner with her? She felt thrown away. Her impromptu flee from the city (and her growing addiction to Bee) had been thwarted. Now, she was even more tied up in Ruby than before.</p><p> </p><p>As the night goes on, Christina’s thoughts plague her. By her third drink, she’s replaying the way Sammy spoke and overanalyzing if he really did sound gay.</p><p><em>She’s on some date in my house making me look fucking stupid</em>, Christina thinks, pouring herself another glass. She takes an xr pill while her and Sasha are on the couch and goes through a euphoria where she loves Sasha and enjoys what they’re watching. She crashes from that high by three in the morning. She can’t cum and tells Sasha it’s from the pill. She remedies the situation by making herself another drink. She’s sad now, staring outside the window. Where was Ruby? She just wanted her to come back. It was getting so late.</p><p> </p><p>“Darling, that is sweet. You’re really warming to the idea of having guests,” Sasha coos at Christina when she tells the attendants to take Ruby and her guest breakfast the next morning.</p><p>Christina nods and sips her orange juice. She was curious to see the state Ruby was in, but she had to wait.</p><p>“Let’s try harder to get them to join us for dinner,” Sasha suggests. Christina nods again. She wanted to see Bee. They don’t emerge from their rooms until early evening.</p><p>“Thank you for the breakfast,” Ruby says, seating herself across from Sasha. Sammy slides into the seat across from Christina, but she doesn’t look at him. She knows she shouldn’t but she dislikes him. She hates the giggles he keeps sharing with Ruby. Dinner is more amicable than the start of the trip would have suggested. Sammy and Ruby tell the tale of their night on the town. The bars had been underwhelming but they’d found a street performance. Christina watches Ruby laugh. If she hadn’t acted like such a bitch yesterday, she could have been walking Bee on the beach and making her laugh. The night plodded on, nudged by Sasha who suggests they take drinks on the terrace.</p><p>“I used to bartend too,” Sasha is telling Ruby when Christina comes out with the bottle. Christina has a reason to stand by Ruby now, and she takes it, settling between her and Sasha. Ruby doesn’t acknowledge her, she knows she’s on ice for her behavior. Christina crosses her arms to make herself wider; now her arm was brushing against Ruby’s. Sammy returns from the bathroom in a pair of swimming trunks and suggests they enjoy the pool. The pool is heated to a perfect temperature and Ruby is on her second drink. She’s only buzzed and it feels good, mature. She smirks, looking down for a moment to hide her smile. She can see Christina staring unashamedly at her out of the corner of her eye. She’s concentrating on looking everywhere but forward to avoid her unwavering gaze. Christina is completely silent, hasn’t contributed to the conversation in a half hour. All she is doing is sitting on the edge of a pool lounge with her drink, occasionally sipping, never moving her head. Ruby doesn’t know how to feel about Christina’s attention. On one hand, they had been sleeping together. She was getting excited by her excitement like she had done so many times before. On the other hand, Christina was a bitch.</p><p>She had shown herself on this trip and Ruby was unimpressed. Hence, her lack of response to the ogling. Christina excuses herself to the bathroom and Ruby is relieved. Now she can pause from just talking to distract herself. She gets to listen to others talk.</p><p>“So, when did you meet William?” Sasha asks and it occurs to Ruby that Sasha seems to have no idea about the nature of her relationship with Christina.</p><p><em>Great,</em> Ruby thinks, <em>Now I’m the other woman and a prostitute.</em></p><p>She feels queasy. They were definitely leaving in the morning. She was tired of the vacation from hell. Instead of answering the loaded question she excuses herself to the bathroom. She goes to the hallway guest bathroom; she just wants to do a quick pee. She’s squeezing herself a little as she realizes she really has to go. She swings the door open and it hits resistance. Christina makes an affronted noise and looks around the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Please move, I have to go,” Ruby doesn’t have time for Christina’s slow blinking. She hustles past her, pushing her outside the bathroom into the hall because the space is so small. She tries to slam the door behind her but Christina stops it with her hand. Ruby growls and pushes harder finally closing the door. When she emerges, Christina is still standing out there. She isn’t surprised.</p><p>“The fuck is wrong with you?” she says, still irritated about her holding the door.</p><p>“Can I just say one thing?” Christina blurts.</p><p>Ruby didn’t like the look in her eye. She was flushed and sweaty. Ruby was a little tipsy herself, but who knew where Christina’s mood was sober, let alone now.</p><p>“I would rather you didn’t,” she says, turning to leave.</p><p>“You’re gorgeous.”</p><p>Ruby stops and turns back around. She is sick of Christina.</p><p>“Christina, don’t you dare.”</p><p>“What?” Christina seemed genuinely confused by Ruby’s reaction. She mowed over subtle cues like it was nothing, Ruby was realizing.</p><p>“Well, thank you. It is a nice bathing suit and a great gift,” she says sarcastically. Christina says <em>from who?</em> in a tone.</p><p>Her face darkens when Ruby says William.</p><p>“What the hell is your problem?” Ruby was tired of this.</p><p>“What’s yours?” Christina snaps back, and Ruby is thinking what?</p><p>“You’re…mean,” Christina mumbles the last word quieter dropping her head and letting her hair curtain her face.</p><p>“Mean”? She sounded like an idiot child. Ruby entertains it.</p><p>“And how am I mean?”</p><p>Christina doesn’t answer at first and when she does it’s almost a whisper, barely escaping her hair curtain. But Ruby hears.</p><p>“You like him better than me…”</p><p>She looks at the defeated slump of Christina’s shoulders, her drooped head. She understood her a little better. Ruby sighs. She walks over to stand close in front of Christina. Christina lifts her head and they stare at each other, earth versus ice.</p><p>“I don’t think there is anyone in the world who feels that way,” the corner of her mouth lifts and Christina tentatively smiles back. She makes like she’s going to lean forward and kiss Ruby when her pleasant expression drops. She pushes Ruby back a little.</p><p>“Are you fucking with me?” she demands and her voice wobbles.</p><p>“Chris…” Ruby shakes her head.</p><p>“Were you disappointed when he wasn’t here?” she interrogates. She pulls the front of Ruby’s bathing suit, drawing her against her again.</p><p>“Jesus. I was disappointed when you treated me how you did,” Ruby says. Christina drops her head again and her forehead almost hits Ruby’s lip. She looks up.</p><p>“I was wrong. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>Now they do kiss. It’s the first time they’ve kissed so sweetly, pressed together in the hallway. Christina gently cups her face. Ruby’s body relaxes against Christina. She’s losing herself in the familiar feel of Christina when Christina makes a noise, a satisfied little hum, snapping her out of her haze. She steps back and away. The hallway is lit only by the light just outside it. She’s dripping water from her suit onto the white marble floor. Ruby was done being used.</p><p>“The truth is you’re fucking with me,” Ruby says, turning to walk away.</p><p>“No,” Christina says, pushing herself off the wall.</p><p>“I have to get back to Sammy.”</p><p>“Ruby, I just want to be with you.”</p><p>But Ruby leaves.</p><p> </p><p>Ruby could feel Sammy watching her. <em>I always feel like somebody’s watching me</em>, Ruby sings mentally. She feels a little loopy.</p><p>“Want to do a bump?” Sammy pulls out a baggie but Ruby shakes her head.</p><p>“Come on,” Sammy wheedles. “It’s the truth serum.”</p><p>Ruby laughs. “What do you want to know?”</p><p>“Are you going to let that white girl eat your pussy?”</p><p>Ruby gives a shocked chuckle. “I don’t know,” she says honestly.</p><p>Sammy was a little more observant than Sasha, who saw nothing amiss in Ruby and Christina returning from the bathroom seconds apart. They had all retreated to their rooms now, and he was taking his chance at answers. Ruby looks at the clock. It was only one in the morning.</p><p>“Oh, alright. But let’s take a shot after,” she says, taking the offered bag.</p><p>They end up deciding to take two shots, and take the bottle with them out to the hot tub.</p><p>“Ooops,” a tipsy Ruby giggles and Sammy laughs as she slips off her bathing suit and climbs into the hot tub naked. He follows her example, shedding his shorts and climbing in. The combination of the cool night air and the burning heat of the water was perfect. Sammy sighs in contentment.</p><p>“Despite everything, this came at just the right time, Ruby,” he says. “To get away from Chicago, everything going on.”</p><p>Ruby hums, sinking down lower into the bubbles.</p><p>“The energy was off – “</p><p>“The energy was off,” Sammy was thinking the same thing.</p><p>They laugh.</p><p> </p><p>Upstairs Sasha and Christina were tangled on the bed, pressed and panting. Sasha pulls away.</p><p>“Did you bring your dick?”</p><p>Christina smiles. “Yes.”</p><p>Sasha sighs in pleasure and excitement and starts kissing along Christina’s neck. Christina had to think for a long minute, but she gets the courage. She had some liquid bravery sloshing around inside of her.</p><p>“Well, since I brought that…what do you think about using it with, ya know?” Christina indicates her head.</p><p>This gesture is vague and awkward considering Sasha’s positioning. It was entirely possible for her to miss the movement of Christina’s head. However, Sasha knows Christina and this tone.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Her voice is already defensive but Christina plows on.</p><p>“William’s friend. I know her too.”</p><p>Sasha doesn’t reply. Christina doesn’t quiet like she should.</p><p>“You loved that last time.”</p><p>“Christina, I need you to be specific,” Sasha grits out.</p><p>“Sex,” Christina has enough audacity to be getting irritated herself. “Do you want to have sex with Bee?”</p><p>“Who the hell is ‘Bee’?” Sasha pushes Christina off of her and stands up. Christina starts to catch on.</p><p>“I don’t want to upset you.”</p><p>“Christina,” Sasha starts shaking her head and there is an emotion growing in her voice. “I thought when you confided in me about your father, I thought when you invited me here, that it meant you were ready to treat this…honestly.”</p><p>“I am being honest, that is why I brought this up,” Christina reaches for Sasha’s hand but she moves back.</p><p>“I mean, admit that we’re together. Just us. In love.”</p><p>Christina sighs. She can’t do this. Her head had been spinning but now it was leveling. She always had anxious come downs.</p><p>“I’m…I want you but I want this too,” Christina says with an air of finality.</p><p>“Christina, I’m saying no.”</p><p>“You’re never this judgmental,” Christina wants her way.</p><p>“Judgmental? Fuck you.” Sasha raises her voice.</p><p>Christina hardens her face and speaks level. The one who remains calm is the winner. “I don’t want to argue. What do you really want?” Christina stands up and starts adjusting herself in the mirror.</p><p>“If you go down there to her, I’m leaving.” Sasha sounds resigned.</p><p>Christina feels bad for her but she doesn’t understand this mood shift.</p><p>“You know I hate ultimatums. You know how my father was,” she walks towards the door, stopping to wrap her arm around a stunned Sasha. She pulls her closer and presses a kiss to her temple, a pat to her back and Christina is out the door. She hears laughter coming from the deck and makes a beeline.</p><p> </p><p>Ruby doesn’t seem surprised when Christina comes up behind her. She doesn’t jump when she says hello. She doesn’t answer when Christina asks to join. When Christina climbs in she notices Ruby’s, nipple disappearing in and out of the bubbles. Christina moves closer.</p><p>“So, persistent,” Ruby says, finally acknowledging Christina. She shrugs in reply. She can’t take her eyes off of Bee. She reaches over and touches her shoulder, gently squeezing then running her hand down her arm. It was a simple action loaded with intimacy and anticipation.</p><p>Sammy feels the hot tub getting hotter. He excuses himself. Christina tears her eyes away long enough to get an eyeful of Sammy’s balls. She watches him walk away with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>“In my hot tub?”</p><p>Ruby chuckles quietly. “Hey. I’m naked too,” she says, shrugging her shoulders a little. <em>Yes.</em> Christina rejoices mentally. She knew it.</p><p>She scoots even closer, trying to wrap her arms around Ruby. She has to grope around, which may have been her real mission. She needed proof.</p><p>“You’re allowed,” Christina pulls her closer. “Hence the keys.”</p><p>Christina is smiling but Ruby doesn’t return it.</p><p>“Where’s your lady friend?”</p><p>“I don’t know. I hope she gets home safe, though,” Christina says. Ruby chuckles, shaking her head.</p><p>“Shameless,” she says but she’s smiling at Christina. Christina had been sobering up steadily and now she was feeling drunk again. She cuddles closer to Ruby, delighted at being forgiven. She tangles their ankles together under the water. Ruby starts laughing at her.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Christina starts giggling too.</p><p><em>“Just can’t keep still?”</em> Ruby sings. Christina leans in immediately interested. Ruby hums like that’s how she’s going to finish but Christina nudges her on.</p><p>“<em>Make me a woman</em>,” Ruby sings and Christina eyes start to volley back and forth between Ruby’s mouth and eyes.</p><p><em>“You said you’ll be gentle with me, I hope you will</em>,” Ruby leans in.</p><p><em>“I’m nervous, I’m tremblin’, waiting for you to walk in…”</em> She stops because she notices Christina is crying. She doesn’t want to shame anyone for their reaction to her voice but this was surprising. She pulls her into a hug.</p><p>“No,” Christina tries to resist because she doesn’t know why she is crying. She is frustrated because she wanted to be sexy. Ruby’s voice was stirring something in her that she hadn’t felt in years. “I’m okay, I took this pill earlier, I’m...fine.”</p><p>“But you? You’re incredible. Bee...” Christina cradles her face. “Your voice.”</p><p>Was that all? Ruby laughs relieved and hugs Christina closer.</p><p>“Then sign me,” she says offhandedly.</p><p>“You’re signed.”</p><p>“What?” Ruby pulls back. “Christina…”  </p><p>“I’m serious. I feel lucky to have found you,” Christina leans in and kisses Ruby. She doesn’t need another shot, or a party pill. Ruby’s tongue is loving, the lips that sing so sweetly were pressing hers insistently. She just wants Ruby.</p><p> </p><p>Ruby sees the bird before she hears it. A big inelegant seagull, perched on the railing outside. She hadn’t seen one this close before and her sleep addled brain finds it fascinating. She sees the bird is not just white, but instead had feathers of grey and even flecks of gold in the colors. Christina is draped over her back. She starts peppering kisses on Ruby’s shoulder, the column of her spine in the back of her neck. Ruby mmms then sighs.</p><p>“You’re crazy,” she mumbles into the pillow. She turns her head so Christina can hear her.</p><p>“It’s probably six in the morning.”</p><p>“It’s noon. We were still awake at six,” Christina says into Ruby’s shoulder.</p><p>Christina doesn’t say anything more.  She focuses on touching Ruby everywhere, she can get to everywhere because they went to bed naked. Ruby keeps arching her back, lifting her ass to ride Christina’s hand. She pants into the pillow and spreads her legs wider. Christina lifts herself a little, leaning to the side so she has a good angle to press a finger into Ruby.</p><p>“Wide awake, now, huh?” Christina’s filthy whisper has a playfulness to it. Ruby garbles a reply into the pillow.</p><p>Christina leans closer, her bare chest flush against Ruby.</p><p>“Don’t,” she adds another finger. “With the pillow. I want to hear you.”</p><p>Ruby turns her head on the pillow obediently, but no words are added. She isn’t feeling particularly chatty. She wasn’t a huge talker. She had been talking so much since she got with Christina, though. Christina enjoys watching how Ruby is writhing and wiggling under her touch. She can tell she’s struggling to say anything or think of something to say. It’s fine, it isn’t everything to her, but she’s possessive enough to need a specific one. She leans forward again, curling her fingers inside Ruby.</p><p>“Who’s fucking you?” she hints.</p><p>And finally, Ruby is moaning her name over and over again.</p><p> </p><p>Christina isn’t great at sentences when she isn’t in control. Ruby presses harder on her legs, keeping her open and vulnerable. She took her time with her, licking her nipple wetly and watching it shine. Biting into her skin and admiring the dents until they fade. She takes pleasure in learning her, finding out what got her to be louder. Christina was feeling teased but she was close. Ruby’s mouth was just as wet as she liked it. She tries to suck hard Christina’s clit which she dislikes. Ruby finds that Christina likes it sloppy yet direct. She wants her tongue steadily licking into her, but she also loves spit and Ruby licking it off. When Christina comes she’s craning her neck to watch Ruby with her mouth on her.</p><p> </p><p>When they wake up again, the birds are done visiting and are instead screaming down the beach. Ruby notices she’s gotten used to showering with Christina. Usually she doesn’t enjoy being under a bathroom’s fluorescent lighting with a relatively new hookup, especially with her shower cap on. But she’s comfortable and relaxed with Christina, even shuffling her against the tile wall to kiss her as much as she wants. Christina loves it, wrapping her arms around Ruby’s shoulders to keep her close.</p><p>It’s a wonderful moment but Ruby has to know. “Did you mean what you said last night? About signing me?”</p><p>Christina nods. “Yes. Completely,” she leans forward and ghosts her lips over Ruby’s. Ruby wants to kiss her harder; she was pleased by her answer. Christina pulls back.</p><p>“I meant what else I said, too, Ruby.” Her mouth is pressed into a stern line.</p><p>“I can’t share anymore, Ruby, it’s killing me,” Christina says. Her blue eyes are pleading. Ruby almost wants to roll her eyes at Christina’s dramatics but this moment is serious.</p><p>“Christina...give me time,” she settles on. Christina pushes her further away and steps around her.</p><p>“What? You’re so fucking attached to him or something?” She crosses her arms. She looks like a drowned cat, standing directly under the spray with her mouth twisted and her hair plastered to her head.</p><p>“It isn’t that. I’m just confused, Christina that’s the truth.” She grows irritated when Christina says she doesn’t understand her confusion.</p><p>“Because, Christina. Because a couple weeks ago I was having sex with you and your…life partner and now you’re telling me you don’t want me to have sex with him anymore. That its’s killing you.”</p><p>Christina’s lip curls. She was so unstable sometimes, and Ruby missed their sexy peaceful shower.</p><p>“He is not my life partner! I…want…you,” She steps closer to Ruby now.</p><p>Ruby is even more confused now. “Wait, what are you to each other?”</p><p>“We’ve known each other a long time,” Christina says vaguely. She comes closer and cradles Ruby’s face with her hands.</p><p>“Promise me,” she whispers, placing a sweet little peck on Ruby’s lips. <em>Promise you what</em>, Ruby wonders but Christina answers before she speaks. She kisses her again.</p><p>“Promise me you’re done with him.”</p><p> </p><p>Ruby fidgets in the shiny leather chair. Her thighs were pressed together, and to the chair, growing sweatier by the moment. She wishes she had worn a longer skirt, or one with stockings. Oh well, she was here now. Thick thighs out, ample breast on display and she didn’t even know why. She was here with a whole other mission.</p><p>“Bee, I want to apologize again. I did not expect to have a business emergency,” William is saying. He sits next to her and takes her hand. Ruby looks at their hands to avoid looking into his eyes. They were blue like Christina’s but there was something different, more frosty.</p><p>“What can I do to make it up to you?” He squeezes her hand.</p><p>Ruby looks at him. “William, this doesn’t work for me anymore,” she starts.</p><p>William looks devastated. This was her worst-case scenario.</p><p>“It isn’t anything you did,” she rushes to say.</p><p>William tips forward and lays his head on Ruby’s lap. She lifts her hands not touching him. She was shocked and a little disgusted.</p><p>“Please, Bee, don’t give up on me.” His hands squeeze the sides of the thighs.</p><p>“I’m sorry. I know I’m a work-a-holic. I know standing you up was horrible. Please, give me a second chance.”</p><p>His voice cracks and Ruby is horrified. She never imagined he would cry. She sighs, unsure what to say. Slowly she lowers her hands to tangle them in his hair.</p><p> </p><p>Later, Ruby takes another shot of her vodka inventory at work. She’s being discreet about it, because she plans to take a couple more. She has an anxiety headache and a shame sweat. She turns her back and takes another shot. When she turns back around, her Barbie is standing there. Funeral Barbie – Christina is dressed in all black today. Ruby sighs. She walks around the bar to stand in front of Christina like she is accepting her reckoning.</p><p>“Ruby,” Christina starts, and her tone already has Ruby on edge.</p><p>“This is my job,” she reminds her. Christina looks around the bar quickly and then grabs Ruby’s arm dragging her off to the side.</p><p>“I can’t trust you, Ruby,” she says between her teeth once they’re safely out of sight.</p><p>“I don’t know what – “</p><p>“I saw you. I saw what you did with him. Was that what you told me you were going there to talk about?”</p><p>Ruby starts to say something, apologize but Christina keeps going.</p><p>“You <em>lied </em>to me. You let him <em>touch</em> you. You let him put that <em>thing</em> in your mouth…” Christina looks at her lips with contempt.</p><p>“Christina, I’m so sorry,” Ruby says because she is. She knew she had betrayed her trust, very early in their relationship.</p><p>“I told you,” Christina’s voice shakes, “What I could do for you, that I would do anything for you, baby, why did you break your promise to me?” For the second time that day she has one of the pair in her arms crying. Despite her angry tone, Christina was leaning in to her.</p><p>“Am I so unbearable?” Her voice cracks again and Ruby watches one tear slide down her cheek.</p><p>“No. No, Christina of course not.” Ruby wraps her arms around Christina’s waist.</p><p>“I know it’s no excuse but…it was...breakup sex, really,” trying her best to explain. The words leave her mouth and she immediately regrets them. Christina pulls away from her arms and stands away from her again. Her face is turning red.</p><p>“Did I say you could have fucking br – “</p><p>“Um, Bee?” Sam, her boss, is standing at the end of the hallway. Christina stands up a little straighter, her face going neutral. Without addressing Sam, she leaves, brushing past him and subtly wiping her cheek. Ruby watches her go, with her chest tight. Sam hovers her the rest of her shift. Inevitably he was trying to get the scoop, but to Ruby’s surprise he expresses concern for her.</p><p>“I know this isn’t my place but fuck it. I don’t think you should sleep with those people anymore. I didn’t like how she grabbed you,” Sam trails off like he is embarrassed and looks down. Ruby doesn’t tear into him. She sighs forlornly, looking at the door. She was worried about Christina.</p><p> </p><p>Ruby’s guilt leads her into agreeing to an unnecessary stunt. She tells Christina it was ridiculous, she had made it clear to William after their hookup that this could never happen again. She could see why Christina didn’t believe it fully. Still, this was nerve-racking. She felt like a secret agent or a snitch in the mob. Except she wasn’t wearing a wire. Christina was around the corner in her kitchen being very quiet. Her doorbell rings. Leading William to the couch was uncomfortable. He doesn’t say much, understandable considering the last time they spoke she let him bend her over. Then told him she never wanted to see him again. Now, she was demanding his audience. She didn’t know what to say.</p><p>“William, I was worried there may have been some miscommunication in our talk last time,” Ruby says slowly. William says nothing. His face is stone. Ruby has never seen it like this.</p><p>“We never should have done that because I really do want a nice, clean break for us.”</p><p>William nods to himself but again says nothing. He stands. After another beat he starts laughing. Ruby is disturbed but she stands.</p><p>“William…”</p><p>“Can’t play nice, can you, Christina?” He raises his voice just a little. Ruby’s eyes widen. William is out the door before she can kick him out. He laughs again before he slams her door. Ruby walks to the kitchen and scoffs, giving Christina a <em>what the hell was that</em> look. She finds Christina staring ahead at nothing, her entire body rigid. Her nostrils are flared. Her hand on the table was clawed, the fingernails digging into the wood.</p><p>“Chris?” Ruby moves to her side. Christina breaks from her trance. Her hand relaxes.</p><p>“I’m okay,” she says.</p><p> </p><p>There was the dotted line. There was the contract for a record deal. Ruby is holding her breath. <em>Damn, is this pen pure gold,</em> Ruby thinks neurotically. It was so heavy, like her chest. Could she really trust this? Her lawyer had assured her it was a fair deal, if not generous for a new artist. Still, she was here, in this room with all these white executives staring over her shoulder. Were they circling their next meal? At least she wasn’t alone. One of the white executives was her girlfriend and her eyes over her shoulder were comforting. She felt like Christina was double checking too. She wasn’t. Christina was watching Ruby’s profile as she initialed and signed. Her lashes flutter daintily while she looks down. She is already a star. Christina had sworn to herself long ago that she would never be like her father or his seedy associates. She’d known she liked girls then, but she would never parade them around like they did, groping them in public and making it all so obvious. Then, the models would be gone a few years later. She squirms in her seat. Right now, she understands them, and she hates that. She loathes it but she understands feeling compelled to close the distance between you and your lover. She wanted to touch Ruby; She wanted to remind her she was there in a different capacity, not just Christina Braithwhite, never Christina Braithwhite. She feels like her now and it’s a lonely feeling. She resists until she doesn’t. It’s a small gesture, she runs her finger tips lightly down Ruby’s back starting at her neck. It’s small, subtle, intimate and…obvious.</p><p><em>I’m officially my disgusting father</em>, Christina thinks. She doesn’t care a second later, when she’s rewarded with a special little smile from Ruby for her.</p><p><em>See, I’m doing this for someone who really loves me,</em> Christina feels comforted. </p><p> </p><p>Things were moving too fast for Ruby. Five months ago, she was Bee, telling her sister,</p><p>“Suck my toe, I don’t care if you think I’m loose, I got a record deal baby” before she slammed the bar phone down. Bee worked the rest of her shift that night giving each patron a special little smile because she had a fucking record deal. Bee went to bed that night anticipating going to her shift again, until her leggy girlfriend had stumbled out of her tiny bedroom, hair rumpled and brow furrowed. She said they had five meetings that day and Ruby looked perfect for every single one. Christina makes her quit her job on the heavy Motorola phone connected in her car.</p><p>So, begins the running and the stretching. She was running in every direction, chasing her dreams, chasing the clock because she was always running late to the next thing. She was stretched between everything and everyone. She had a new relationship that never had a honeymoon period, she had a new career, and she had a controlling baby sister. Ruby was a curvy girl but she was feeling thinner than sliced cheese. After her gloating was done, Ruby had found herself desperately begging Letitia to continue to manage her alongside Christina. Leti was nervous and self-conscious – she preferred to work with underground talent – but she gave in to her sister’s pleading. In the first week Ruby knew she needed someone more than Christina to be there for her. Christina was her girlfriend, they had even agreed they were in love, but she was not easy to work with. At times, she blended in with one of those severe suited white men, making cold decisions and saying callous things.</p><p> </p><p>Leti was blood, and Leti had been her manager all these years. For some reason, she doesn’t anticipate the clash of personalities between old and new. Ruby had adopted a tactic now and it had a high success rate: Whoever told her was the one she would blame. After a few turns of her defending the opposing team to each of their faces, they began to be reluctant to run to her to mediate. It was actually compelling them to work things out between the two of them. There were still several of moments of chaos.</p><p>“Christina,” Ruby says, and Christina growls <em>fuck</em> under her breath and turns away like it was physically hurting her to stop arguing.</p><p>Ruby doesn’t want to be involved but she had to stop Christina. Their argument was reaching cruel peaks and Leti’s voice was starting to get that bass and tremble in it that means she is a close to an angry cry.</p><p>“Fucking white bitch,” Letitia mutters under her breath. They’re in Ruby’s apartment, so it’s nearly a shout. Ruby purses her lips at her. Christina makes an affronted sound and looks at Ruby. When Ruby says nothing, Christina pulls a face, storming off saying, “See? And you don’t say a fucking word.” </p><p>“Don’t you dare talk to her like that!” Leti yells after her. She stands, looking down at Ruby in the chair.</p><p>“Walk me out,” she tells her. When they’re in the hallway they hug tightly. Letitia isn’t missing the sacrifice Ruby makes to her relationship to protect her at times. She wants to protect her sister too.</p><p>“I won’t say she isn’t right for you,” Leti says. She had long since chosen to love her sister despite – yes, despite - her orientation. “But you need to watch her.” Ruby starts shaking her head but Letitia shushes her.</p><p>“Ruby, you don’t see it because you’re in love. She’s trying to alienate your black fan base! That is who you are. She’s trying to change you, Ruby,” she finishes with a condescending tilt of her head.</p><p>“Shut up. She is not. You need to understand my scheduling, you’ve been resistant to it from the start. What’s wrong with a performance later in the year? That was all she was saying.”</p><p>“No, it was not, she was saying friend chicken and shit – “</p><p>“She said that repeating you sarcastically – “ </p><p>“All I know is...” Leti raises her voice a little to end Ruby’s interruptions. “Watch. Her.”</p><p>Ruby pulls her into another hug. She feels her trembling. She knew her little sister was always shaken by a fight, but it was the only way they had learned to be. Screaming both triggered and protected them. They needed to learn other ways to communicate.</p><p>“Look.” She pulls away, holding her shoulders. “It was just an argument, but it’s over now. We all work together and we all care about each other. Just come back in and have a drink before you leave.”</p><p>When they step inside, she wonders if Christina was listening at the door. She’s standing in the living room with a bottle of wine on the coffee table. Ruby’s heart melts when she notices Christina grabbed three glasses. Leti seems to notice it too, stepping forward saying she wants the first glass playfully, then thanking Christina. Ruby flicks the television on.</p><p>
  <em>And tonight, Chicago weeps and the people demand answers. Another young woman is found murder – </em>
</p><p>“Turn this shit off,” Leti groans into her wine glass.</p><p>One of the few times Christina agrees with her.</p><p> </p><p>Later that night, Ruby trusts her sister and confronts Christina.</p><p>“You have to understand every part of me. Including my blackness, including my black fan base,” she tells Christina. She’s leaning over her in bed, Christina‘s eyes follow her face from upside down while her head rests on the pillow.</p><p>“You don’t have a black fan base actually,” Christina says in her scientific voice. “Did you read the projections I sent you? You have multicultural appeal more than anything.”</p><p>Maybe Ruby was being too nice, gently stroking her hair like she was. She starts to pull away but Christina reaches up and stops her.</p><p>“Ruby, I love everything about you, including your race, if that has to matter. And I’m sorry I was offensive. I want to do better.” Ruby thinks Christina is incredibly sweet, and she tells her she loves her. But, she had a note for her.</p><p>“And don’t ever say fried chicken, are you crazy?”</p><p>“I did air quotes.”</p><p>“Doesn’t matter. Never say the words.”</p><p>Christina sits up and pulls her tight to her and relishes holding her. She knows this is all Letitia’s doing. Since becoming official, her and Ruby hadn’t had one argument. To Christina, they were a perfect couple.</p><p> </p><p>The perfect couple have their First Argument Since Going Official the next night when Christina tries to direct Ruby into a ridiculous position.</p><p>“I need to angle like...this…to come in this thing,” Christina shows Ruby again. She does a little thrust of the strap-on as demonstration. “You put your leg like this.”</p><p>“I can’t hold that.”</p><p>“I’m going to hold your leg. Do it, Bee,” Christina pleads.</p><p>“No,” Ruby says, stubbornly. She was sweating her hair out and kind of over the sentient dildo thing. “I don’t know who you did this little position with before – “</p><p>“Please, god. Not now.”</p><p>“Don’t you yell at me!” </p><p> </p><p>Christina supposes she had been dreaming because their fairytale romance is steadily put to the test over the next couple weeks. Christina knows Ruby is struggling in the studio. She hasn’t confided much beyond the basics, but Christina can see its taking a toll on her. Bee had a penchant for over-working and it was putting distance between them. Their constant volleying between each other’s places wasn’t helping. She’s told Ruby Will moved out, which was true, but it had been two years ago. She still felt uncomfortable there more often than not, and she hated the nights Ruby left at three in the morning to wake up in her own bed. Ruby’s apartment was cozy, but Christina did not have a cozy personality. Truly, the space could be anywhere. What bothered Christina was the in-between moments, the silence after Ruby leaves at night or she’s waiting for hours at home alone until she can see her again. She needed Ruby close to her, for her comfort and for Ruby’s safety. She’s trying to think of ways to bring up living together when they’re out for date night. They get dinner at another not-gay gay bar that serves better food than the shithole place where Ruby worked. Ruby looks gorgeous so Christina has already lost her nerve to ask tonight. She doesn’t want to sour a single moment.</p><p>Ruby for her part was quiet tonight. She’s lost in thought about her own nerve-wracking question. She knew she had to have a lot of nerve for what she was about to say. Especially considering she was already letting Christina down with her creative failures. She just thought this would really help. She sighs loudly without noticing when they’re leaving. Christina stops from turning on the car.</p><p>“What’s wrong, baby?” Hand on Ruby’s thigh. Ruby just swallows but she can’t answer. She feels guilty and anxious. Christina doesn’t like the upset look on Ruby’s face.</p><p>“Bored?” She tries to lighten the mood but Ruby’s head is still dropped.</p><p>“Want to go to the park lot and do donuts? It’s not as low brow as I expected,” she says, and it works. Bee chuckles a little and finally looks up at Christina.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I know I’m being weird. I just want to ask you for something,” Ruby says. She looks at Christina innocently. She was laying it on, not knowing Christina is pleased. Little did Ruby know she wanted something too.</p><p>“Rodgers,” Ruby starts and Christina already knows.</p><p>“Oh, Ruby,” Christina sighs, looking forward now. Ruby whimpers <em>I know. </em></p><p>“But this could really help! I love his work. I’ve been stuck. Just,” Ruby stops, choking a little like she is about to cry. Christina feels for her girlfriend, truly.  </p><p>“That’s a very expensive producer, Bee,” she says. She told Bee she would do anything for her and this wasn’t anywhere close to the line.</p><p>“But I’m happy to do it for you,” Christina says. Bee gasps, her mouth in a perfect o. <em>Very cute,</em> Christina thinks.</p><p>“Under one condition.” Ruby’s mouth falls. Christina feels like she’s burst into a sweat. She swallows. “You move in with me.”</p><p>Ruby looks surprised, but not in a negative way. She knows Christina’s abandonment issues so she answers Yes! quickly. When Christina kisses her, she squeezes her closer. She’s still in disbelief. She just made this massive request of Christina and she responds by asking if she can take care of her more. Something occurs to her.</p><p>“Christina?” She pulls back and kisses her again before she says, “You know you could have asked me that without agreeing to help, right? And I still would have said yes.”</p><p>Christina doesn’t answer as she starts the car. She’s satisfied.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Christina was pretending she couldn’t see Ruby’s unhappy face. Ruby knew she was and had graduated to the occasional disgusted noise as she walked around. In many ways, the house at 10520 S Longwood Drive was the nicest home Ruby had ever seen, let alone have the opportunity to live in. The six-bedroom mansion was mostly brown, with a beautiful brick foundation and cream shutters. On the way to the home, Ruby was already against it. She watched out the car window as the city buildings got fewer and fewer between. By the time they pulled onto the street, she was shocked Christina even had the nerve. She did. She leads Ruby inside holding her hand like they were newlyweds. Ruby looked left and right as they did but hell, there was nobody around.</p><p> </p><p>That was the main problem about the home. It was on the very outskirts of Chicago. She couldn’t understand why Christina wanted to be way out here. Inside, the home was beautiful but nothing close to her style. There was a good amount of wood paneling everywhere in the home. Bland greens and tepid yellows dominated the walls. It was ancient, clearly. Christina was bounding up the stairs without Ruby. She felt bad. Christina seemed to like this option. When she said she already had a couple properties in Chicago for them to check out, she expected opulence. Christina had shown her a beautiful penthouse. It was unfortunate that there were so many broken windows and holes in the halls. However, the location was prime, and Ruby almost wanted to say they could just wait and get it fixed. She was all for the option, but there was an anxiousness to their search and it was all coming from Christina. She told Ruby they were going to be breaking her lease. It was only four months until it was over and it didn’t make sense to her. She offered to move into Christina’s current apartment and she agreed, but told her they were only going to be there two months.</p><p>“Why, Christina? We need stability.”</p><p>Christina was insisting this was going to be it.</p><p>“This? This <em>this </em>house?” Ruby asks Christina in disbelief.</p><p>She looks around and starts shaking her head. All the problems she was just noticing are heightened in her view now. This was supposed to be her home?</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Bee, it’s a beautiful house. What is your problem?”</p><p>“I’m just surprised you want to be so far from the city, there isn’t any bars, this is so suburban,” she looks around waving her arm like it was obvious. It was, really. Christina says nothing.</p><p>“What about work?”</p><p>Christina smiles now.</p><p>“I have a surprise for you. Can I show you?”</p><p>She was acting formal and overly sweet. Ruby was skeptical as she followed her girlfriend down the split level and into a side room. She gasps when Christina opens the door. It was a full-service music studio. It was beautiful. Ruby never imagined she would have this kind of expensive equipment in her own home. She turns to Christina and hugs her, squealing a thank you. Christina holds her and sways a little. She kisses her temple. Ruby has a moment of clarity. She tries to pull back but Christina’s arms are locked.</p><p>“I knew you would start to like it here,” she kisses her cheek.</p><p>Ruby knew she was being herded. She still had the energy to complain even if she knew she wasn’t going to be able to resist.</p><p>“Christina, what do we need all these bedrooms and all this land for?”</p><p>“It’s not that much land, it’s just a very nice lawn,” Christina says. Ruby looked out of one of the giant windows. She could distantly see the top of the neighbor’s roof far in the distance.</p><p>Christina strokes her face. “You need space to create. Artists love to be secluded when they work. Anyone will come to you. You need somewhere to focus on you, and write...”</p><p>Christina knew she was playing a weak hand, ultimately preying on Ruby’s insecurity about her career. She knew it was manipulative but Bee’s career was never actually in jeopardy so there was no crime. She gets what she wants; she knew she would. Ruby caves, agreeing that an extra twenty minutes was not that bad.</p><p> </p><p>Twenty minutes feels longer when her sister is complaining about the drive.</p><p>“It’s a nice place, but what the hell you do out here all day?” Leti looks around the sitting room with a disgusted look. Ruby is offended because this is her house now and she had already made some decorating adjustments.</p><p>“It’s not Iowa, Leti.”</p><p>Leti is still looking around like something was going to jump out at her.</p><p>“I’m going to go get us a drink,” Ruby stands. “Just relax -”</p><p>They both jump as the sound of loud barking and growling sound right outside the window. A gruff male voice joins the noise, shouting command words.</p><p>“What the hell?” Leti says. Ruby explains Christina is having two dogs trained to be guard dogs. Letitia can’t understand the reason, and Ruby admits she doesn’t understand herself. She looks like she wants to make a snide comment but she refrains, and Ruby is grateful. They sit and Leti purses her lips at her sister, looking her up and down then out the window. She fidgets. Ruby doesn’t know what the issue is until her sister blurts,</p><p>“I want to say I’m happy for you, Ruby,” she says.</p><p>“And thank you for your performance for Covenant House. The community really came out to see you and the charity is grateful,” Leti smiles at her sister. Ruby was surprised but touched by the thank you. Letitia ruined the moment by pointing out she noticed Ruby was only performing old music. Ruby was spiraling. She had had a musical mind block since the day she got signed; it was some cruel twist of fate. No matter how secluded she got, no matter the industry’s latest producer on her side, she couldn’t make something that the label considered viable. Her own confidence was flailing under the in-house criticism which wasn’t helping her make more music. Christina wasn’t a buffer at all, she was rarely physically with Ruby anymore. She had several other artists, much bigger than Ruby, that she worked with as well. Sometimes she would call Ruby and say she couldn’t meet for lunch, she was in Florida. For this reason, Ruby was perpetually grateful she has her sister. Even on days like today where her only goal is to make Ruby feel like shit.</p><p>“I actually came home and wrote a little bit after that performance,” Ruby says in her defense.</p><p>“Doesn’t surprise me. You got some connection back to your roots, to something real,” Leti says, and Ruby groans. She tells Leti she isn’t doing this today. Leti hold up her hands to indicate she doesn’t want to do anything.</p><p>“Here’s what I’m saying, Ruby. You know where your inspiration comes from. It comes from you, Bee, Ruby Baptiste. Not Ruby, Christina Braithwhite’s girlfriend.”</p><p>It’s a low blow and Ruby doesn’t respect it or rise to it. They go to the studio to wait for the rest of their day crew. Ruby puts her headphones on to listen to a demo cassette and ignore her sister. Letitia always lost herself in her relationships, in the most destructive ways. If she had a man now, she would be in Mexico selling counterfeit confetti. Ruby was in a well-paced relationship with someone who loved her and Leti was criticizing her for reveling in it. Still, the worst part was her words were echoing in her head. She had felt disconnected to anything true to herself lately. All the sterile rooms, sanitized people and filthy politics were draining her. How was that affecting her work?</p><p> </p><p>Sammy appreciates her home at least, giving a low impressed whistle when he comes over a couple weeks after Leti’s accusatory visit. It pleases Ruby because Sammy was a good friend. She can see something is weighing on him, though. When pressed, he becomes choked up and Ruby rushes to hold and comfort him.</p><p>“It’s Monty. He’s sick…I don’t know. There’s a possibility it might be,” he stops unable to finish the sentence. Ruby sucks in a breath. There was no way, the very idea was horrifying.</p><p>“No,” she shakes her head, squeezing Sammy’s shoulder, “No, that is a slim chance. It’s a slim chance for that disease.”</p><p>“They don’t know anything yet – “</p><p>“But it isn’t common – “</p><p>“It’s starting to be, Ruby!” Ruby’s eyes widen at Sammy raising his voice at her.</p><p>“This…illness is spreading among our people like fire, and we don’t know everything it’s going to burn. Are you even paying attention?”</p><p>Ruby feels chastised. She was being insensitive to Sammy’s feelings. She apologizes and Sammy responds she did nothing wrong.</p><p>“I’ve just been researching,” he says now. He looks out the western window. “About this disease. What people are doing about it.”</p><p>“Monty won’t do it but he’s in denial.” Sammy sighs. That doesn’t surprise Ruby. Sammy tells her there is a growing community of gay people, coming together to get resources for the community and fight for a cure.</p><p>“They’re having a benefit,” Sammy looks nervous, “Honestly, I was wondering if you and Christina wanted to donate. We could make it anonymous, of course!” Something is occurring to Ruby, stirring in Ruby. She nods.</p><p>“We will donate. And what if I come and go old school? Put my guitar case on the ground and strum a few tunes to get some dollars out of the stingy ones?” Sammy is happy, and Ruby feels lighter than she has in weeks. He gives her another tight hug, before asking her if she wants to join him on his activism tonight.</p><p>“We’re putting up warning flyers. For the young women in the area. This is the second black woman taken. It seems like this pattern is about to take a turn,” Sammy’s voice is grave.</p><p>“This guy is sick,” he says.</p><p>“How do they know it’s not a woman?” Ruby asks.</p><p>“I don’t know, girl,” Sammy says, leaving with a wave. Now that was one form of helping out Ruby was going to have to pass on. She thought about her upcoming event she just scheduled. She couldn’t wait to tell Christina.</p><p> </p><p>Over dinner that night she mentions to Christina that she doesn’t feel she has been connected enough to her cultural identity lately. Christina, who considered herself allergic to pepper, did not see cultural identity to be of upmost importance. When Ruby starts in about Sammy’s visit, she smiles because now she understands.</p><p>“What?” Ruby asks when she sees her smiling.  </p><p>“Nothing, it’s just…sometimes you’re very impressionable,” Christina admits. Ruby makes a face like she doesn’t understand.</p><p>“Baby, a stranger could spin a tale that will have you changing your entire outlook on life,” Christina laughs.</p><p>“Don’t talk to me like that, Christina.”</p><p>“Okay,” she stabs into her broccoli with a little smirk. “Sorry,” she laughs again.</p><p>“<em>Anyway,</em>” Ruby growls, “That is why I am going to be helping at their…it’s called AIDS, event. Preforming,” she finishes smiling.</p><p>“The who to the what now?” Christina actually looks stricken and coughs on her wine a little.</p><p>“Put the glass down before you crush it,” Ruby suggests.</p><p>She can tell something about the gig is bothering Christina, but Christina visibly decides not to pursue it. She nods to herself and then looks at Ruby with an indulgent smile.</p><p> </p><p>The next morning, the lawn of the house on Longwood Drive was being mowed into submission. The big mechanical motor cranked loudly alongside the birds chirping.</p><p>“Oh, Bee, that’s so good…” Christina moans from inside their bedroom. She gasps again when Ruby curls her fingers in her.</p><p>“Fuck, oh, baby, I love you,” she says against Ruby’s lips.</p><p>“I love you,” Ruby replies. She kisses Christina’s sharp collarbone.</p><p>It’s like they’re competing soon.</p><p>“No, I love you,” Christina says with her lips against Ruby’s thigh.</p><p>“No, I love you,” Ruby says while kissing down Christina’s spine.</p><p>“No, I love you,” Christina says before closing her lips over Ruby’s nipple.</p><p> </p><p>“No, you hang up the fucking phone,” Ruby is yelling at Christina in the car, several hours after their morning lovemaking.</p><p>Christina tilts the car phone a little, trying to avoid Ruby’s shout going into the ear piece. <em>Fuck.</em> <em>You</em>. She mouths silently at Ruby.</p><p>“No, don’t worry about that, the window was open…” Christina continues with her phone conversation. Ruby pulls the phone connection cord and Christina groans angrily. This wasn’t the first time Bee had done that.</p><p>“I just want to talk to you,” Ruby says, looking at Christina with doll-like brown eyes, pouting her lips, and speaking in her sweet voice. Christina glares at her face. Ruby cuts the bullshit.</p><p>“Why don’t you tell me how you feel about the event?” she demands.</p><p>“I’m against it, Ruby, completely,” Christina answers immediately. Ruby isn’t surprised but she is frustrated.</p><p>“Why? It’s good for the community! Lift everyone’s spirits.”</p><p>“Why are everyone’s spirits so low,” Christina grumbles, rolling her eyes. She pretends like she is going to focus on the road hard now to try to stop Bee talking. She leans forward and feigns squinting at a sign. Ruby was shocked at Christina’s apathy.</p><p>“Ever been beat with a police stick?” Ruby won’t be deterred. Christina sucks in a breath and looks at Ruby quickly.</p><p>“Have you?” she demands, her eyes scanning Ruby’s body like she’s missed some wounds.</p><p>“If we held hands in the grocery store like you wanted that one time, that would have happened to us. You know that, don’t you?” Ruby asks, because she isn’t sure if Christina really <em>does. </em>Christina lived in a world where powerful men answered to her. She could flaunt any aspect of her life anywhere and her power bids people to say nothing. Christina doesn’t feel like being told she didn’t understand what it meant to be gay. She had her own coming out story that was fraught with blood, sweat, and tears and that was enough for her. Besides, she made Ruby come four times last night. She was doing her part for her community.</p><p> </p><p>Christina tries to preserve her relationship by allowing Leti to shoot down this ambition of Ruby’s. She calls her from her work office and gives her the run down. Letitia was never subtle, and right after Christina finished telling her she declared she was on her way.</p><p>Christina hadn’t anticipated this, and she rushes home, trying to beat Leti or at least arrive at the same time as her. She feels bad immediately when she arrives and Letitia’s beat up old Honda is already in the driveway. She feels worse when she finds them in the studio, already mid argument. Ruby was pressed against the rolling studio chair, her face set in a stubborn expression. Her sister was standing over her with her hands on her hips. They both turn and look at her when she arrives. Ruby glares at her. Christina walks in slowly, saying nothing. She goes to stand behind Ruby’s chair. She wants to seem like she kind of doesn’t know what Leti is doing right now. Ruby isn’t fooled and turns her chair forward so that she’s facing both Leti and Christina.</p><p>“Trust me, Ruby, you don’t want to be involved with that shit,” Leti says in a pleading voice.</p><p>“Shit?!” Ruby says angrily. She turns and gives Christina an incredulous look.</p><p>“Yeah, let’s refrain from calling it ‘shit’, she steps in. Christina regrets forming an alliance with Leti already. Leti purses her lips and crosses her arms.</p><p>“An AIDS event is incredibly political right now, Ruby,” she says.</p><p>Ruby tells both of them she is going to the benefit whether they want her to or not.</p><p>“And just how much do you expect me to spend when someone comes from the ether to say they saw you there before the fame,” Christina hisses. She can’t take it anymore.</p><p>“Who cares,” Ruby says. She felt they were overreacting. This was the 80s. People knowing she was probably a little gay does not ruin a singer’s life.</p><p>“That’s easy for you to say,” Christina says. Leti makes a low <em>ooo</em> sound and looks away. Ruby’s face is warm. She knew it was true, but it was always hard being reminded how much Christina knew it. She can’t help but wonder how much Christina thinks about it. Ruby stands up.</p><p>“Well, I never intended to upset either of you, but I feel strongly about this.”</p><p>“Bee –” Christina says as Ruby leaves. She’s desperate to clear the air after that awkward moment.</p><p>Her sister yells for her to get her ass back here but Ruby doesn’t come back. She goes to her car and drives as fast as she can. At first, she’s going nowhere. She just feels sorry for herself. She had become someone she didn’t recognize, morphed into pretending she had a trust fund like Christina. Dangerous. She could be just another Sasha; an accessory Christina will eventually get tired of playing with. How did she let herself become dependent on another person this completely? She loved Christina, but she had been blind. She makes a familiar turn. She was heading to the Chat. She didn’t want to be Bee, her girlfriend’s loving abbreviation. She needs to be Bee, the nickname she gave herself, again. Bee who paid her own bills. Bee who worked somewhere where it didn’t matter that she was gay because that was the whole point.</p><p> </p><p>When she pulls into the parking lot, she notices the front is sparse but she can hear the music from the lot. It must be an event night. They always spread their parking to avoid alerting the cops. Stepping in, she’s still surprised how packed it is. She glances over at the bar but thankfully Sam is nowhere in sight. She takes her chance to go order a drink. The bartender has the radio cranked up.</p><p>
  <em>The remains of the woman found have been identified as twenty-eighth year old Alicia Jackson, a nurse. This is the third body found this month in a long year of terrifying murders in the City of Chicago. Where is the investigation, the people of Chicago are asking…</em>
</p><p>The bartender is shaking her head, listening. She gives Ruby a glance when she walks up but goes back to her program. Ruby orders a shot and the bartender reluctantly tears herself away from the radio to pour the tequila. Ruby skulls it immediately. She needs this. She hasn’t drunk shitty tequila in a year and she gags a little. She feels the shot immediately.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>…found disembodied, with their chest cavities broken and cleared. The coroner’s office…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She wants to mellow instead of getting wasted tonight. She knew she had an herbal cigarette in her purse. Stepping out, Ruby starts looking for a lighter. Finding one, she lights her little joint, exhaling into the night. A car pulls into the parking lot that she recognizes. Shit. It was Sam. Ruby didn’t feel like the drama, so she steps around to the side of the building to finish her smoke. A painfully bright light spills into the alley she’s in. Ruby holds up her arm to block her eyes. She sees it’s the headlights of a car trying to come through. She presses herself up against the wall, although the car had plenty of room. When her eyes finally adjust to the beam, she sees the car is a new model BMW. Pink. She rolls her eyes and starts walking to the car. She can’t believe Christina had the nerve to come after her.</p><p> </p><p>When Ruby wakes up, she tries to open her eyes but something is covering them. All she sees is darkness. Hello, she tries to say but there is something in her mouth. Ruby is disoriented for a several seconds before she fully becomes aware of all her senses. Her forehead is stinging and throbbing, most likely from being struck on the head as soon as she slid into the passenger’s seat. Eyes covered. Mouth gagged. She could feel something holding her wrists together. She tried to curl in on herself when she realizes her shirt has been removed. Oh god. A putrid smell was filling her nostrils. There is that intrinsic feeling every animal gets when it’s close to its death. Ruby’s breath was quickening, her heart pounding. Her legs wanted to move but she could only wiggle. Being blind like this was the most terrifying thing she ever experienced. She screams. It barely escapes the gag, coming out hoarse and low. She starts to sob in earnest, because she knew she was going to die. She tries screaming again because she can’t not and jumps with fright when she feels cool fingers on her face. She whimpers in fear, trying to twist her head away from the hands but they hold her face still and remove the blindfold.</p><p>Ruby keeps her head low. She doesn’t want to see a face. She didn’t want to have any evidence. She just wanted to survive.</p><p>“Please,” she begs, crying. It comes out a muffled moan.</p><p>“Look at me, Bee.” Ruby gasps at the voice and looks up.</p><p>William.</p><p>Ruby starts sobbing harder, her confusion heightening her fear. William is grinning at her, the smile she had seen so many times before. He leans down again, reaching toward her again. The minute he removes her gag, Ruby screams. William slaps her hard across her face. She sees lights behind her eyes, her ears ringing.</p><p>“I was hoping you would do that.” William’s voice sounds above her again.</p><p>“Why,” Ruby sobs.</p><p>“Look at me, Bee,” William commands again. Ruby can’t turn her head, it’s pounding. He yanks Ruby’s head up by her hair. She cries out but he covers it by stuffing the gag back in her mouth.</p><p>“Alright,” he says pleasantly. He smiles at her. “Let’s give you the tour.”</p><p>William grabs Ruby’s bounds hands and starts dragging her across the carpet. Ruby screams around the gag as her bare skin burns against the rug. She tries to look around but the place is not well lit. There was a dull lighting to the room, with a red tinge, like there was a red lampshade. Ruby turns her head and screams again as she can see William pulling her down a dark hallway. Her eyes find a slouched redhead woman, clearly dead. Ruby can make out her face, it is slashed repeatedly. She screams again.</p><p>“Yeah, I sidelined her for now. You’re just special to me,” he says warmly. He starts dragging her quicker. He stops in front of a black space.</p><p>“Now, this, was going to be Clarissa’s painting room. Shame, really,” he says. Ruby recognizes the name.</p><p>William drags her around a corner and her stomach hits linoleum.</p><p>“This,” William says, “Is a kitchen. I know you’ve seen one of those before.”</p><p>Now she’s squeaking across the glossed floor until her shoulders are burning again from more carpet.</p><p>“You’ll love this,” he says now. Ruby has long since let her body go limp. She was in so much pain. Her feet hit the wall as William drags her through a door. For the first time on the tour, he flicks the light on. Ruby’s eyes bulge and she screams so hard her voice gives in the middle and it ends in choking. The room was covered in blood. Blood on the walls, in the carpet, on the tables. The furniture was lined with body parts, arms, Ruby could see lungs, and hearts. Everywhere, hearts. There were bones scattered along the floor. William rolls her and her head hits the ground. She turns it and groans. She screams again. Her head is next to a pile of blonde hair. Ruby can see there was still scalp attached.</p><p>“Christina’s childhood bedroom,” William says. “Well one of them.” Ruby starts crying again. William picks her up now and Ruby starts shaking her head frantically as she sees where he is about to put her. On the bed with a pile of blood and bones, two dead women side by side with gaping holes in their chests.</p><p>“I was going to clean up for you, but then I thought, fuck it, she dumped me,” William says, placing a screaming Ruby atop the bodies. She feels a sickening wetness on her bare back. William leaves her view but she can hear him moving around. When he reappears, he has a giant serrated knife in his hands.</p><p>Another muffled scream from Ruby. William tilts his head, watching her.</p><p>“You know, you are the most beautiful girl she’s ever caught a flame for,” he observes. Ruby shuts her eyes so William isn’t the last thing she sees. She hears a loud noise and for a second she’s sure she’s dead until she hears the thud of a body hitting the ground. She opens her eyes and sees her Savior Barbie, gripping a metal bat.</p><p>“Christina!” Ruby squeals around the gag, though it comes out indistinct. Christina doesn’t look at her. Ruby watches her take another swing and hears the bat connect to skin. She can’t see William anymore and assumes he is on the floor.</p><p>“Why are you showing her this shit,” Christina hisses at the ground. Ruby hears William’s demented laugh. She starts screaming against the gag again, this time trying to alert Christina to help her.</p><p>Christina looks up at her now. Ruby watches her kick and there’s an <em>oof</em> from William on the floor. She moves over to Ruby now.</p><p>“Oh, baby,” she rushes to her. Ruby starts crying again but this time they were tears of joy. Christina’s hands felt so good on her.</p><p>Christina starts to pull her gag off.</p><p>“I’m going to take this off. Don’t…don’t scream, Bee,” Christina says lowly. Ruby nods her head quickly. She removes the gag and Ruby starts breathing in big gulps, crying loudly.</p><p>“I know, baby,” Christina says, but she’s shushing her. When Christina undoes the ties on her body, she gathers Ruby in her arms and holds her. She lifts her a little and Ruby starts coughing hard, doubling over. Christina is terrified.</p><p>“Can you walk at all, Bee?”</p><p>Ruby nods and Christina helps her to her feet. Ruby looks down before Christina can remind her not to and she goes to scream again. Christina gets over there just in time to cover her mouth with her hand. Ruby starts to fall again but Christina grabs her before she sinks to the floor again.</p><p>“Ruby, baby, you have to stand. I can help you,” Christina lifts her to standing and they hobble out with Ruby leaning almost completely on Christina. When she finally gets her in the car, Ruby is shaking uncontrollably.</p><p>“Fuck,” she whispers as she gets her situated in the passenger. She stops and looks her over. Her wrists were bleeding. <em>Fuck fuck,</em> Christina thought as she notices Ruby’s head bleeding. Scratches and abrasions all over her body. Her lip was cut. Christina stands, thinking she needed to go back in there and finish William off but she knew she wouldn’t. Instead, she goes to the trunk and gets her leather jacket. She drapes the jacket over a shaking Ruby. She kisses her shoulder before she shuts the door.</p><p> </p><p>Christina doesn’t know what to fucking do. Ruby is unconscious now. She needed to go to the hospital. She had a head injury. Christina starts hyperventilating, gripping the wheel. She looks over at Ruby. She’s burning inside wondering what all William must have done to her before she got there. She hated herself. This was all her fault. Christina starts to cry but no tears come. She wants to curse William but her mouth can’t form words because she’s crying. She’s just growling and gasping, her mind racing. She grips the wheel and presses on the gas. Should she take Bee to the hospital? She was bleeding from her head. She was bleeding. She had to take her the hospital. Christina knew she couldn’t. She had been on the way to their house this entire time. Was she letting Ruby die? Christina feels like she can’t breathe. She just wanted to protect her. She couldn’t risk them admitting Ruby and holding her there. <em>He</em> would come.</p><p> </p><p>She gets Ruby inside quickly, releasing the dogs from their cages as she does. She’s relieved to find later the bleeding on Ruby’s head is from a relatively shallow cut on her forehead. Ruby doesn’t wake during her bath or Christina disinfecting and dressing her wounds. She gets her into bed and just stands over her, watching her sleep. She isn’t sleeping, not really. Her body has given up and is involuntarily limp. She’s muttering and whimpering a little still as she sleeps, her mind nowhere near resting. Christina is trying to catch her breath. She can’t believe this was happening to her, yet she also hates herself for not expecting it. Finally, as she crouches onto the bed next to Ruby, tears start rolling down her eyes. She knew she was going to have to leave Ruby behind to save her. <em>But I love her.</em> She leans over and wraps her arm around her, resting her head on her arm. Christina’s tear drips onto the crack of Ruby’s elbow and trails along the delicate wrinkles there before sliding away. How long was she supposed to go on like this? Why was she born in this, when she could’ve been born anybody? This wasn’t the first time Christina wished she was dead. She just didn’t know what to do anymore.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t expect Ruby to be stirring already, but she is. She wakes up coughing, and Christina gets up quickly to grab the glass of water she brought. When she gets back to her, her coughing has slowed. Ruby flinches when Christina touches her back at first and she feels a pang of anguish. Once Ruby sees it is her, she throws herself onto her, breaking into tears in earnest.</p><p>Christina holds her tight, grateful that she still can. She gives Ruby time to cry freely now to make up for silencing her when she was rescuing her.</p><p>“It’s sorry, baby,” she says softly when Ruby quiets a little. That seems to pull Ruby into clarity. She pulls away to look at Christina, her eyes are hot molten.</p><p>“Tell me what the fuck is going on right now,” she says, her voice coming out a hoarse crackle. Ruby is remembering Christina’s words when she saved her. She didn’t like the unsurprised tone. The fact that Christina hadn’t called the police and she was back at their home was occurring to her.</p><p>“What do you know?” She demands again.</p><p>She notices Christina is crying, too. She drops her head and her chest is shaking with the strength of her crying. But she was quiet. Almost silent. Ruby feels compassion for her, of course, but her stomach is rolling and the room is swaying. When she tries to stand her legs buckle at first. She shrugs off Christina’s help and gingerly starts moving toward the bathroom. She barely makes it, she trips halfway and a gob of thick spit falls out of her mouth onto the carpet as she tries to hold back from puking. She makes it to the cold ceramic toilet finally, shutting the door behind her. She can hear Christina outside the door, calling to her. Ruby’s entire stomach empties itself in one violent heave that has her eyes watering. She has a better handle on her legs now, and is able to stand herself up with the help of the bathroom counter. She looks at herself in the mirror and almost starts to cry again seeing all her scratches. She throws water on her face and gurgles mouthwash. She’s thinking even clearer now, remembering without collapsing. Clarissa? Christina’s mom. Christina’s childhood bedroom. What?</p><p>“Bee, please,” Christina’s desperate voice from the other side of the door.</p><p>When Ruby swings open the door Christina jumps, surprised.</p><p>“Wha-“</p><p>“Did you know.”</p><p>Christina’s mouth snaps closed. They just look at each other for a long moment.</p><p>“Yes,” Christina finally whispers.</p><p>“Oh my god, Christina,” Ruby walks around her to go sit on the bed again.</p><p>Christina follows her. “I didn’t lay a finger on any of them, Ruby.”</p><p>“I know that,” Ruby says because she does. She knows her girlfriend. Though she feels very uncertain of who she is right now. Christina sits down next to her on the edge of the bed, slowly, cautiously, like Ruby is going to kick her out.</p><p>“But you need to tell me what the fuck is going on,” she tells her.</p><p>“You have to understand,” Christina’s eyes are pleading. Her voice is shaking. “He was all I had…my whole life. No one else liked me, no one liked me…” Christina trails off and her tears start rolling again.</p><p>“Christina, what are you telling me?” She takes her hand now.</p><p>“William.”</p><p>“What is he to you, Christina?”</p><p>“We…our fathers are members of the Order of the Ancient Dawn,” Christina starts. Ruby waits for something to make sense.</p><p>“It’s a cult, in a sense. A cult based around power. Our families have had an alliance for generations. He was there while I grew up. Our families even lived together sometimes,” Christina looks away. Ruby blinks.</p><p>“I think I hooked up with two people who are essentially siblings,” she says quietly.</p><p>“We’ve done a lot of things siblings should never do together,” Christina says.</p><p>Ruby is confused. She is thinking about all the times she hooked up with the two of them. William and Christina always focused on her. Though she had initially assumed they were a long-term couple, this is the first time that she is thinking on them having sex without Ruby there. She tells Christina she needs to hear something real. There were too many parts being given to her but nothing was built.</p><p>“Ruby, I want to tell you everything but there is an evil in this world that is so dark,” Christina pauses. She shakes her head. “I don’t know how to tell you this…”</p><p>Ruby grabs her face. Looking into her eyes pointedly she says, “I saw evil first hand tonight. Tell me, and hurry up.”</p><p>Christina asks her what she knows about Masonic societies. Ruby is given a short lesson on cults, ritualistic cults.</p><p>“Magic is real?” Ruby’s head is throbbing from the injury. Christina nods.</p><p>“Everything you can imagine is real, Ruby. Vampires. Time Travel. I’ve seen it. And I never want to see it again,” Christina says looking away.</p><p>“So, your father was in a cult where they did magic?”</p><p>Christina’s voice is deep and somber now. “My father belonged to a cult that believed in acquiring power by all means necessary. The only aspects of magic they were interested in were dark, evil, exploitive.”</p><p>“I consider it a curse. But they asked for it. And kill for it,” Christina looks down at their hands.</p><p>“It’s a deal, Ruby. A pact, really. To a demon.” She says it flatly, like she has told Ruby this before.  </p><p>“A what?” Ruby says loudly before she starts to sway. Christina grabs her to hold her still.</p><p>“I don’t know how to tell you this,” Christina repeats tearfully.  </p><p>“William is the demon?”</p><p>“No. William is an Enforcer. The demon requires a sacrifice for his service. A consistent sacrifice. Enforcers make sure the needs are met. There are hundreds of Enforcers in the Order responsible for maintaining. William comes from a long line. Everyone within the Order respects them the upmost,” Christina says with a sour tone.</p><p>“Service? What the hell kind of service?”</p><p>Christina swallows. “Favor. Which turns into money, influence, and power.”</p><p>Ruby feels like she needs to lay down. On one hand, she felt like none of this could possibly be true. On the other hand, she knows it is. She just saw first-hand. She pulls her hand out of Christina’s. Christina’s heart hurts from it but she expected it.</p><p>“Christina,” Ruby starts slowly, “Are you telling me that William is your childhood friend and Chicago’s serial killer? All for this demon your family worships so you guys can be rich?”</p><p>Christina nods and Ruby lets out a whoosh of air. So, that really was it.</p><p>“But he was never my friend. Not really,” Christina says.</p><p>“Christina, where are you in all of this?”</p><p>“I’m a direct descendant of one of the founding members of the Order. And it’s the worst thing that ever happened to me,” she sighs. Ruby is growing wearier, her injuries throbbing. She felt like Christina was giving her crumbs. There was more behind her eyes.</p><p>“No more half-truths. Every fucking thing, right now.”</p><p>“I don’t know what you want me to tell you!” Christina’s hackles were getting up. She had already told Ruby more than she had ever told anyone before, and she felt like her throat was closing up.</p><p>“Start with how you ended up living with and fucking the damn Enforcer!” Ruby was so incredibly frustrated and turned around. Christina is completely tensed up beside her. Ruby doesn’t feel sorry for her anymore. This was all so her and her white ass family could be rich as they wanted. People were dying and Christina was still playing games.</p><p> </p><p>“How could you become friends with him?”</p><p>“I didn’t become his friend, he’s ten years older than me,” Christina says and Ruby is surprised. She knew William was older than them but damn. “I didn’t seek out the friendship. He was just all I had.”</p><p>“Why do you keep saying that?”</p><p>“Because it’s true,” Christina sounds exhausted. “My father was obsessed with power. He wanted a son, one he could raise to be an Enforcer. They’re the most respected tier of the Order, second only to my great ancestor, Titus Braithwhite. But he didn’t have a son. He had me.”</p><p>Christina chuckles dryly, and Ruby hears tears in her voice.</p><p>“So, William was his son. He loved him, he even convinced his family to let him live with us for years when he was a teenager. And I was grateful. Because while my father never even looked at me, William gave me all the attention I ever wanted.” Ruby has a bad feeling about the direction this is going. She scoots closer to Christina on the bed.</p><p> </p><p>“My father hates women. When I became one, he thought there was only one thing I was good for,” Christina grits out, a tear escaping down her cheek. Oh god. Ruby wraps her arms around Christina. She leans into Ruby. Now that she has started talking she can’t stop.</p><p> </p><p>“He just wanted to keep his precious boy close. So, he told him he could marry me.” Ruby squeezes her arms. Christina lays her head on Ruby’s shoulder. Her voice is muffled but right by Ruby’s ear.</p><p>“I thought he was my brother. I thought he was my friend but, no. I saw him for what he was. We were engaged for a few years before I called it off.” Ruby pulls back and raises an eyebrow. Christina nods.</p><p>“I…knew who he was. That’s why this is all my fault. I knew he was cruel, evil just like the rest of them but…he wasn’t to <em>me.</em> I’m sorry. I just had no one…” she hangs her head. Ruby hugs her.</p><p>“Christina, it’s okay. You were a child, you didn’t do anything wrong.”</p><p>“Yes, I did.”</p><p>“No – “</p><p>“Ruby, I’m the reason a woman is dead.”</p><p>Oh god. Ruby was getting whiplash from all this. What?</p><p>“There is a pattern to the sacrifice. Things that have to line up to satisfy the demon. There was a girl. Truly, a girl. Two years younger than us.”</p><p>“We became friends. I knew he was going to kill her but I wanted to save her. She was so young.”</p><p>Ruby rubs her back.</p><p>“I couldn’t save her. They found her, and William…he did his worst. He was jealous. He’s a monster, Ruby.” <em>I know,</em> Ruby thinks. She’s thinking something else.</p><p>“Christina. This has to stop. People are dying.” Christina just sniffles against her shoulder. Ruby jiggles her shoulder, making Christina sit up.</p><p>“I’m serious. We have to tell the police, Christina.”</p><p>“They won’t arrest him. They wouldn’t arrest me.”</p><p>“Christina, do you want to do anything about this?”</p><p>Christina looks stricken. She stands up.</p><p>“Did you not just hear me? We can’t. There is thousands of people involved, Bee, hundreds of families within this Order all serving one god. They’ll do anything to protect it, and they’re all powerful.”</p><p>Christina is done with her indignant outburst. She sits back down on the bed. Ruby is giving her an unimpressed look which has her hanging her head.</p><p>“No one wanted me to be the heir that got everything, but I am. If they find out me of all people – “</p><p>“Christina, fuck you. This about more than your life story.” Christina lifts her head. Ruby is looking a little worse for wear. Her eyes are half lidded like she is fighting sleep. Christina realizes she has been talking her girlfriend’s ear off an hour after she was tortured and almost murdered.</p><p>“Baby, you need rest,” she starts.</p><p>“No,” Ruby shakes her hand off. “If all that is true why were still with him when you met me? You fucked him right in front of me!”</p><p>“I just give in when he shows up where I am like that,” Christina says. Ruby assumes she means Dyke Night. “Especially because he was with you.”</p><p>So, she had been Christina’s bait. She feels herself swaying again but Christina has her. She makes her lay back on the bed. Even under the covers, Ruby considers herself still interrogating.</p><p>“Give in?” She sounds incredulous. “That isn’t something you give into. Why, Christina? Why were you still sleeping with him when you hate him and he murdered someone you care about?”</p><p>Christina stops tucking her in and looks at her, but says nothing. Ruby demands to know why again.</p><p>“I don’t know, Ruby. Why do I do anything? I guess because my father told me to…” Christina’s voice cracks and she falls forward to hide her face. She leans her forehead on Ruby’s blanketed hip. Ruby hears Christina’s quickening breath. She reaches down and starts petting her head.</p><p>“It’s okay. I love you, Chris,” she says. Christina doesn’t answer, still subtly wiping her face on the blanket.</p><p>“He’s dead, Christina,” Ruby says gently. “And William isn’t stronger than you.”</p><p>“Yes, he is,” comes Christina’s muffled whimper. Ruby presses down on Christina’s head a little.</p><p>“No. He isn’t. You’re one of the strongest people I know, baby,” Ruby says, her words trailing off. Christina looks at her and sees her eyes fluttering closed. Her father. Everything she did in her life she did to please her father’s unloving memory. The only thing in her life that she chose, and that made her happy was her relationship with Ruby. She knew she should leave, give herself back to William and make him leave Ruby alone. She wouldn’t, though. She was in love, really in love for the first time in her life and she would rather be dead than be forced into a relationship with William. She had to protect Ruby. She had to protect their relationship. Ruby’s breathing is coming out measured and slow. She was resting.</p><p>Christina moves around the house quietly. She brings in one of the pups to the bedroom. She stops in the kitchen to refill some water for Ruby. When she’s back in the bedroom she continues to creep around. She has a plan. She has to end this. Christina grabs her gun out of her closet. She’s only fired it once but she is angry enough now she has no doubt she can handle it now. She’s only a few feet from her car outside when Bee yells from behind her,</p><p>“Where the hell are you going?”</p><p>Christina spins around and Ruby is standing there in a robe and socks. A protective pup stands behind her sternly.</p><p>“Is that a gun?” Ruby yells now. Christina subtly moves the gun behind her back.</p><p>“Ruby, go back to bed.”</p><p>“Christina, I know I said this has to stop, but let’s do this together. I don’t want you going over there by yourself!”</p><p>“Shut up,” Christina says. She turns and starts toward the car again. “And go back to bed.”</p><p>“Then I’m going too!”</p><p> </p><p>Back upstairs, Christina gets dressed for bed even though she is wound too tight to sleep. She does have a growing gratitude for Ruby for stopping her from running out to shoot William. She was more emotional than rational a few minutes ago. Ruby is back in bed. The jaunt outside had been hard on her injured self. When Christina slides into bed next to her, they immediately squeeze together. Ruby’s head is on Christina’s shoulder and Christina can’t see her face when she says, “Christina you don’t need all this.”</p><p>Christina shuts her eyes.</p><p>“I’m serious. I know being rich is all you’ve known, but baby we’ll be okay without it. Trust me,” she says. Christina runs her hand along her arm. She was sweet and supportive. She felt undeserving.</p><p>“So, that’s it then?” Ruby lifts her head now to look at Christina. She was pissed at her silence. “You want a Porsche so you’re going to let people fucking die?”</p><p>Christina opens her eyes. Ruby was determined to drag her out.</p><p>“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” is her only answer. Ruby reels back in surprise.</p><p>“Are you serious?” Ruby hisses at Christina. “If there’s anything else I don’t know I’m going to be pissed.”</p><p>“It isn’t just money, Ruby. Favor. Power. It’s positions, business, connections. Luck like you wouldn’t believe. Don’t you understand?” Christina runs her finger under Ruby’s chin lightly.</p><p>“That’s how I met you. That’s how I was always there at the right time…”</p><p>Ruby blinks. She never thought of it like that.</p><p>“So?” She still has her point. “We’re together now. Nothing can change that. We don’t need it.”</p><p>“The demon can change it,” Christina say quietly.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Bilal. It won’t be just ending an agreement. It will be a betrayal. It won’t be the absence of Favor, it will be Misfortune.”</p><p>Something is occurring to Ruby.</p><p>“Could you die?”</p><p>“I don’t know. Maybe a fatal accident.”</p><p>That maybe wasn’t enough for Ruby. She had been in a room full of women pulled apart, their insides gutted. All those women had lives, family, things they still wanted to do. Here were people like Christina’s family that felt justified in ending that so they can have their own vacations.</p><p>“Christina, we have love. We can survive anything, together,” Ruby says and she snuggles closer. She puts her head back on Christina’s shoulder.</p><p>“Ruby…” Christina says and Ruby lifts her head at her tone. “I love you. But I need other things too.”</p><p>Ruby isn’t surprised, really. This isn’t a new philosophy of Christina’s. Her eyes narrow and her mouth sets.</p><p>“It’s disgusting and it’s cruel, Christina,” she says, and this time she turns on her other side. She was done cuddling with her. Christina is just as disgusted by it all, but she has a different understanding. She lays there silently. Ruby drops away to sleep fairly quickly. When Christina is sure she’s asleep she scoots over, going back to cuddling her. She shuts her eyes and lets herself sleep.</p><p> </p><p>The back of William’s corn silk hair is rumpled from their afternoon biking through the woods. Her dream brain can’t remember what they had been doing before this moment, but the sun is red. She’s pedaling as fast as she can to keep up with him. Christina doesn’t want to seem weak for even a second, and she wants to make him proud by keeping up. Her breathing is labored but quieter than the pants of the little puppy running alongside William.</p><p>“Slow down!” Christina calls. She couldn’t have said it if it was for herself, but she’s looking at the little puppy. It’s breathing was starting to sound painful and occasionally it stopped running and allowed itself to just be dragged by the leash. In all honesty, she just wanted to cuddle with her new present from William.</p><p>“Will -!” Christina started to yell again but the puppy trips, a result of its weakening running, and there is a sickening crack as the dragging of the leash becomes too much for its little neck. William stops. They dismount their bikes and observe the puppy closer.</p><p>William whistles then laughs. “Wow. Sorry, Tin, I guess I didn’t get you the fastest puppy,” he chuckles again. Christina falls to her knees in front of the little dog. Her eyes are watering and she forgets to hate herself for it. She reaches out to gather the puppy in her arms, but she’s being lifted back to standing by William.</p><p>“Oh, come on. Don’t be like that. It’s just a dog. There’s like a million in the world,” he grins. Young Christina looks back at the puppy. It isn’t a dog any more, it’s in the shape of Emma. She’s lying there, mangled and torn. William takes her hand and she looks back at him.</p><p>“You’re not a baby. That’s your father and his assholes that see you like that. I respect you.” His hand feels good squeezing hers.</p><p> </p><p>Christina wakes up. She lays there, breathing steadily, allowing her dream to affect her and then slowly fade back to her subconscious. When she is ready to be awake, she looks over at her lover. Ruby is on her side facing Christina now. She strokes her face, running her finger down the bridge of her nose. Bee wiggles the dainty tip of her nose before cracking an eyelid.</p><p>“I know something we can try,” Christina says.</p><p> </p><p>Ruby was realizing her girlfriend spent too much time around dead bodies, and she was dragging her into the horror show with her. She looks around the ornate tomb, white marble and giant morgue-like stone drawers. Ruby looks up and sees it: Clarissa Braithwhite.</p><p>“You know, I hated her my whole life for killing herself,” Christina muses. “Until I was almost a teenage bride myself.”</p><p>She disappears into a corner while Ruby looks over the rest of the names. ‘Bartholomew’? What the hell? “Still,” Christina says, coming back from wherever she just was. She has a piece of crumpled paper in her hands. “I would come here all the time and talk to her.”</p><p>She hands Ruby the paper. There is writing and drawings but Ruby has trouble making sense of it. She looks at Christina questioningly.</p><p>“It’s a spell. An appeal, really. For protection and favor from another demon, in exchange for something.”</p><p>Ruby starts shaking her head. Christina hurries to speak again.</p><p>“I found this at one of my most desperate times. I didn’t want to be robbed of my life. Yet, I wanted to die, too.” Ruby breathes in sharply in shock.</p><p>“This,” Christina takes the paper back from Ruby, “will give us protection, favor, and eliminate the Order.” Ruby’s eyes widen. That was a powerful little sketch. “But, I couldn’t do it, all those years ago. The sacrifice requires the blood of a founding member of the Order, a direct descendant. Those options at the time were my father. Me.”</p><p>“And William.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“But how will we get him?” Ruby asks later. They’re at home and Christina has Ruby drawing weird chalk circles all over their living room floor. Christina says it will be easy to draw William out. Ruby asks why she’s doing this again.</p><p>“We’re asking for protection but we need another layer. In case this doesn’t go well.”</p><p>“Could we get attacked at the altar?”</p><p>Christina looks over at Ruby. “I am going to try to be as safe as possible. You won’t be there. But you still need protection.”</p><p>“Are we doing this again? Christina, you aren’t alone anymore. You have me.”</p><p>“I know. I can’t lose you. That’s why – “</p><p>“Well, I can’t lose you. So.” </p><p>Christina knows that’s it and is not completely unhappy about it. She tells her it’s time. Ruby yells in shock when Christina slices her hand open with a blade. Christina doesn’t react to her reaction. She steps around to each of Ruby’s drawn circles, dropping small amounts of her blood in each one.</p><p>“Alright,” she says when she’s done. Ruby looks at her smile and knows she’s won.</p><p>“Come sit with me.”</p><p>Ruby is entranced when Christina starts speaking a language she doesn’t recognize. Christina starts feeling shy with the way Ruby’s watching her lips.</p><p>“How long you been able to do stuff like this,” Ruby says when Christina stops. “That was sex – oh!” Ruby doubles over, holding her side. “Ah!” She yanks up her shirt hurriedly trying to see what was burning her. She gasps in shock as she watches a raised scar form in her skin, ridged coils wrapping around her torso. She looks at Christina now, horrified, and finds her holding her side too. She stands.</p><p>“What did you do to me?” Ruby demands. Christina pulls her shirt off. Ruby sees the fresh branding on her chest too. Christina holds up the knife and proceeds to stab herself in the abdomen. Ruby screams.</p><p>Christina turns and shows her stomach. The blood remains but the wound slowly closes up.</p><p>“Oh my god.” She’s blown away but not tempted to test herself the same way. She thinks of something.</p><p>“If you and William are all from the same cult, does he have this…”</p><p>“Spell.”</p><p>“Spell. Spell?” Ruby stops for a second like it’s all just now hitting her.</p><p>“And no. He doesn’t have the lineage to know about these,” Christina says.</p><p>Lineage and birthright and Ruby couldn’t take it anymore. She asks again how they’re going to get to William, now that he knows Christina wants him dead.</p><p>“He doesn’t think I want him dead. He just knows I love you.”</p><p>Ruby is surprised when Christina said she was going to call him and ask to meet with him. When she actually goes to call him, she shoots Ruby a cagey glare.</p><p>“Stop hovering me,” she snaps.</p><p>Nobody was hovering that girl. Ruby left the living room because Christina wanted that. She goes upstairs and starts writing a song full of angst and passion. She doesn’t even hear Christina come in. She looks up when a pale hand touches tentatively at her knee. Christina’s eyes are red-rimmed, like she’s been crying. Ruby grabs her hand and squeezes. She wanted so badly to comfort and protect her.</p><p>“We need to practice now,” Christina says.</p><p> </p><p>Christina is glad Ruby insisted on coming because William is heavier than she remembers. She’s carried him before but maybe his weight felt different to her then. Tonight, he’s nearly impossible to move. She and Bee each take an end and waddle him out to the car. They don’t bother to look left and right. Christina hopes her standard luck is working. Once he’s loaded in the car, Christina can’t drive fast enough. Her driving was forty percent of her motivation to put a mark of protection on Ruby. Christina is admittedly triggered by her encounter with William. Attacking him went smoothly, but she is having trouble shaking the feeling of him groping her as soon as she entered the room. She had had to imply she was ready for reconciliation to get him there, of course, and he was predictable. There was a small victory in paralyzing him with a spell he taught her, though he had never had the discipline to master it non-verbally like she had. Watching Ruby smash him on the head with a paperweight was comforting. Something about looking into his eyes right before she did it, though. They both knew she was going to kill him. While she didn’t love William anymore, she needed him. Ruby could leave her one day, decide she was too much trouble, and Christina would be alone. Her whole life William had been there to love her when nobody else was. She could never admit it to Ruby. She was only admitting it to herself in the ninth hour. She was terrified to live without William. Ruby was quiet beside her and even that was adding to Christina’s anxiety. They could be deteriorating already for all she knew. She was horrible at things like that, William was the charming, agreeable one. Her foot lightens on the gas.</p><p>Ruby isn’t surprised the Braithwhites have a couple warehouses around Chicago but something occurs to her as they pull up.</p><p>“What if it gets blamed on some random innocent person?”</p><p>“Ruby, I…” Christina can’t finish and Ruby gets it. Cross that bridge.</p><p>They get to work when they get in. Christina ties William to a nearby pole as tight as she can. Ruby quirks an eyebrow seeing the intricate and complicated knot Christina uses.</p><p>“Pay attention,” Christina commands, catching Ruby just standing there.</p><p>Ruby doesn’t understand all the pageantry. The giant wooden podium and the long thick trails of salt in an elaborate fleur-di-lis. They even had white outfits to change into, a condition she’s sure is Christina’s doing. Still she liked the white dress she had picked out. She felt surprisingly light. There was something about everything that didn’t feel real. When they moved William onto the wooden podium, he even felt lighter than before. Maybe she was just feeling relief at this chapter of their lives possibly being over. She looks over at Christina and she isn’t mirroring her. Her eyes are wide and fixed on William, her lips parted as she starts to hyper-ventilate.</p><p>“Chris?”</p><p>“Ruby…Clauneck, the demon we’re calling. He’s vengeful. He will hunt down every worshipper of Bilal. Families, Ruby.”</p><p>“And their sacrifices had families too,” Ruby answers. Christina doesn’t say anything. Ruby is aware they have a specific time they have to start all this.</p><p>“Look,” she says, stepping closer to Christina. “You have been living in a world where you see the humanity in these people, and see others as disposable. You’re missing the parallel here, because subconsciously, you sympathize.”</p><p>“I don’t sympathize,” Christina hisses. She turns her back to Ruby. She knows she shouldn’t change the energy between them right now, but her nerves are rising in her throat. She starts to chant. Ruby joins her a minute later like they practiced. Christina tries to lead Ruby but they’re not reciting in time together. That shouldn’t matter. After ten minutes of chanting and zero change in energy Christina declares, “We need more intention, Bee.”</p><p>She shakes her head, walking around the wooden podium, eyeing William. Her fortune is still working, he stirs awake. William doesn’t shout or even look around when he opens his eyes. He looks at Christina immediately.</p><p>“Tin.”</p><p>What kind of nickname is that?</p><p>“Shut up!” Ruby yells at him. Christina looks away from him like she was being held in a trance. She looks at Ruby in surprise. Ruby gives her a little encouraging smile.</p><p>Christina looks back at William. She darts forward awkwardly but slaps him with all her might. His head hits the wood and the thud echoes.</p><p>“Let’s start the bleeding,” Christina says.</p><p>They go to their corners and grab their jeweled blades. Ruby couldn’t believe she was holding something so beautiful to do something so heinous. However, her guilt was measured. Though she had never murdered a human being before and worried about her soul, she also felt she was putting things back to rights. William was a predator in every way.</p><p>When she gets back over to the podium she leans over him. He looks at her and his eyes are disinterested and dismissive. Christina stands across from her, looking apprehensive. She nods at her and they start chanting again. With a deep breath, Christina stabs into William’s abdomen. He cries out.</p><p>“Christina!” He shouts. They were still chanting. Christina stabs at him again and blood starts to drip onto the seal they drew under the stand. Nothing was happening. She remembers Christina said rage was great at generating intention.</p><p>“You are my worst ex!” She yells, taking her first stab at William. Christina’s mouth falls open. Ruby gives her a look. Christina nods and something changes in her face. What she’s going to say seems to be building in her chest. She makes an angry face before shouting, “You don’t even like music!”</p><p>She stabs William with much more gusto. They go back to chanting, louder this time. The metal doors of the warehouse start to creak. Ruby looks over at Christina. She’s a little surprised that was her complaint.</p><p>“You fucking murderer!” She yells now, stabbing William again. He’s bleeding a lot more now; the seal was slowly being filled. William was unconscious now, barely hanging on to life.</p><p>“You fucking sexist!” Christina screams right behind her adding her own stab.</p><p>“You never ate my pussy!” Ruby stabbed, sloppily this time and missed his body, stabbing into his neck. Now he was well and truly dead. Ruby steps away and back, the feeling of what she did hitting her. Christina was still standing over William with an expression. Ruby goes back to chanting. The air in the warehouse had gotten turbulent, the metal doors and errant chains on the floor rattling. She jumps when she feels something almost prodding her in the back. She chants louder, watching Christina.</p><p>“I was eighteen, not your fucking wife!” She yells, and she stabs at William’s neck, too. While all the blood from his major artery floods the seal on the ground, Christina walks over to Ruby and joins her chanting. She takes her hand. It’s like there is a painful air bubble traveling up her body and she falls. Christina is falling with her. William’s blood is all over the ground and their joined hands touch it.</p><p>“Keep going, Ruby,” Christina grits out. It’s getting harder to talk for both of them as something fills their body, making her feel like she is stretching into a balloon. She says what she can but she feels herself weakening. She falls forward again and her cheek meets the cold warehouse floor. The minute her cheek hits the blood, a wave of electricity shoots through her. It feels crisp, it feels powerful. Christina has fallen to her side next to her. She rolls and her forearms touch the blood on the ground. The feeling rushing through her felt so good, so intense, she couldn’t help but laugh incredulously. She shuts her eyes and lets it wash over her. There was no mistaking if their plea was accepted or not. She hears Ruby breathing heavy next to her, and she reaches out pulling her close. They hold each other, lucky and in love.</p><p> </p><p>Ruby throws a generic gray shirt into her duffel bag. She’s trying to remember if she needs anything else when Christina comes in behind her saying, “I don’t want you to go.”</p><p>Ruby sighs without turning around. “It’s only one day early. Leti needs a little extra support,” she says.</p><p>“Shouldn’t her fiancé help her with her breakdowns?”</p><p>Ruby shoots her a withering look. Just for that, she pulls another shirt out of her drawer and throws it in the duffel. Christina starts complaining over being disinvited again.</p><p>“She’s always hated me because she wishes I was a phase,” Christina accuses for the hundredth time. Ruby doesn’t respond. Her sister definitely wishes her sexuality was a phase, but that had nothing to do with Christina. Christina had been disinvited because she was the orneriest person on the planet. She was still watching Ruby pack, although she noticed Bee was getting turned around and packing very sporadically. She comes up and holds her from behind. Ruby twists and gives her a peck in return but then steps away, looking for the next thing to pack.</p><p> </p><p>Ruby isn’t mad at Christina, but she is attempting to put her in time-out. It was coming up on a year since the worst week of her life and the day everything changed. Although, some things remained painfully the same. Ruby had a better understanding of Christina now. Their relationship was strengthened by the honesty between them. Ruby knows now that Christina learned love from her abusers. She knows most of her defensiveness comes from a fear of being alone.</p><p>It explains why Christina’s love sometimes looks like control. It doesn’t excuse it. Conversation after conversation had moved the needle infinitesimally. Christina’s recent stunt of firing Atticus a week before his wedding with her sister was an indication there was still a lot of conversations to be had. She gives up packing effectively while Christina is in here like this.</p><p>“Go somewhere,” she tells her, leaving the closet.</p><p>“She’s tearing you away from your family,” Christina says while Ruby steps around her. Ruby chuckles as she goes to the vanity. She did love her little family. Their two dogs were full grown now, bumbling strength and sincere. She got a kick out of being “married”; this year they had even done a private Christmas card with the dogs in tow.</p><p>“I think my three terrors will be okay for a few days,” she says, still adjusting her hair in the mirror. She didn’t realize Christina had stepped out until she’s stepping back through the door.</p><p>“But we just had a baby.”</p><p>Christina is holding up a tiny puppy, a little chocolate lab. Ruby covers her mouth in surprise. Its coat was so shiny and smooth, its legs so determined and wiggly as Christina cradled him. She drops her hands but gives Christina a stony look. She wasn’t going to be easily manipulated. “And this wun doesn’t even haf to wearn to fight intwuders,” Christina baby-talks for the puppy, holding it up and moving its little paws for Ruby. She holds her unimpressed face despite the adorable display. Christina pouts.</p><p>“Mama,” she moves the puppy’s paw again.</p><p>Okay, that was pretty good. Ruby walks over and takes one paw in her hand. She gives the pup a handshake hello. Then she looks up at Christina with a stern expression that Christina wasn’t taking seriously.</p><p>“You’re going to call my sister tonight and apologize as long and in every way, you can to get yourself re-invited to the wedding,” she tells her. Christina’s lips turn down at the corners but she nods.</p><p>“Because,” Ruby looks back at the puppy and holds her arms out, “I can’t leave my new baby.” Christina laughs and passes the dog over. She’s relieved this approach worked out; she was going to come in and demand Ruby stay to finally make her choose her over Letitia. It was risky move because she probably wouldn’t. She knew she was supposed to be working on attachment, but she also told Ruby that was going to take time for her. Alternatively, Ruby never recognizes when she’s shutting Christina out. She knows she isn’t blood family, but she hates Ruby reminding her by protecting Leti. Still, when Ruby moves the puppy under her arm and takes her hand, she feels safer than she has in her entire life.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>what yall think? any feedback is greatly appreciated.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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